I know I often write about the slightly frustrating process of learning to share the bed and sleep with my husband, but I felt the need to share the latest development in the sleeping department.
I’m just not as tired as he is. Like ever. Even when I’m tired. Because by that time, he’s basically catatonic. (Okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea…)
I know, I know…you’d think that my super busy schedule of sitting on the couch and writing this blog would be enough to have me dragging off to bed at a reasonable hour every night…
Actually, I do a lot during the day. I do laundry. I cook and clean the kitchen at least once a day, sometimes two or three times. I go for a run, at least 2 or three miles every day, sometimes more, do some other stretching or workouts, shower, make myself look presentable for when Wyatt gets home from work, search and apply for jobs, rewrite and rewrite (and rewrite!) cover letter after cover letter, watch HGTV and Food network, figure out which wedding pictures we need to order, continue to figure out how to best organize all the stuff we have crammed into our little apartment…the list goes on and on…
But at night, when Wyatt’s struggling to keep his eyes open while we get ready for bed, I’m still wide awake and ready to go.
And it doesn’t help to say, “Hey, honey, I’m not tired,” because by that point he’s so tired he’s not at all helpful in problem solving. Last night he suggested I go watch TV, and when I disagreed with that idea, he said, “Why don’t you read?”
And then he fell asleep.
…
Which is fine. Really, it is.
He’s tired, and I get that he needs to go to bed so he can get up and go to work. But I get up when he gets up every day. And while I don’t have to shower and get dressed right away, I make his lunch and try to make sure he doesn’t forget it on his way out the door. (That happens more than you’d think, dangit!)
So I guess my problem is this: Now not only do we need to learn to be comfortable with the other of us in the bed, we have to figure out how to get our sleep schedules in the same time zone.
Last night I just listened to him breathing for awhile, amazed at how fast he drifted off, blessed by how peaceful he sounded, amazed that he was really there, sleeping there beside me (I know it’s been three months, but I still grin in joy every night when we climb into bed, surprised this married part of our journey finally began).
And that seemed to work, because I don’t remember a lot after those thoughts except the sound of his breathing, heavy, but not quite a snore (thankfully!) and I woke up at 5 am this morning feeling wide awake. (I eventually fell back asleep and woke up again, super sleepy, at 7, when I had to give Wyatt a “Yay-it’s-Friday” pep talk to push him out of bed and into the shower.
What do you think? Will we ever get used to this? I know you other newlywed wives feel my pain. What do the husbands think? Is this just a wife problem? Because Wyatt says he doesn’t sleep well, but he seems to be doing pretty well to me. How do you cope? Separate bedtimes? Separate beds?!? And what about those that have been married for a long time…advice please!
the newlywed wife 
I truly know exactly what you are talking about. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3, and plain and simple – we do not have the same sleep schedules either. I tend to fall asleep much earlier than him (a “reasonable” time of about 10pm) and he tends to stay up until Midnight or so. I used to beg and plead in the beginning but that just instigated negative energy for both of us. Instead, I’ve learned to appreciate “my time” that I have in bed without him – I journal, read, knit, or meditate and I take up the whole bed.:-) He also uses his time to do activities that I don’t care to partake in, such as watching action films and playing his video games. Now and then though, he will come to bed with me and read til he falls asleep because he knows I still like it. So, there’s definitely some compromise. So, my biggest piece of advice would be to find a way to enjoy your me time and discover the best way to live with your differing sleep schedules – chances are you both have been living this way for a long time and aren’t likely to change anytime soon. Hope that helps! Good luck. š (sorry about the super long comment)
Thanks for the advice! I’m sure we’ll figure out what works eventually!
We’ve had trouble aligning our schedules (we’re almost-3-month-old newlyweds) and bedtime is sometimes a point of contention (my husband also tires out early), but I’ve tried to be sensitive to his schedule (he works full-time; I work part-time) and just force myself to sleep when he sleeps. Or, when I’m really not tired, be in the bed and read until I fall asleep. I place a lot of importance in going to bed together; my husband doesn’t. So it depends on what you value, too. Hope that helps! š
I like going to bed at the same time, too, but my Hubs doesn’t seem to care as much. Which is fine, because he goes to bed early and I follow suit. Thanks for reading and commenting!
God has blessed my hubby and I and not given us this issue! I am so thankful for that. For you though, I would recommend trying to wind down before bed, since you have a tough time falling asleep. Try some hot cocoa before bed, Ask hubby for a small massage before he gets too sleepy. A warm bath or shower could do the trick. You could also look into foods that might make you sleepy, and eat them as a bedtime snack (not sure how your routine is!) What helps me sometimes if I can’t fall asleep is falling asleep holding hands or touching hubby’s arm. It kind of comforts me. We both work full time in the same office, and I wake up at 6:45 and he at 7. You could also try going to bed earlier, and trying to relax before falling asleep.What size bed do you have? My hubby and I sleep on a full; we’re both pretty tiny. I like not having so much space in between us. I always know he’s there! I hope some of this helps! š
Thanks for the suggestions! And thanks for stopping by!
As for forgetting the lunch, stick his keys in the fridge along with the food he’s taking!
Nice idea! Thanks for reading and commenting!
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