Posts Tagged With: After Dinner

” Are you telling me you knew this whole time?”

You can't tell from this picture, but it was super loud and crazy all around us in this picture!

Hubs and I went to our first professional indoor soccer game on Sunday afternoon with some friends. It was fun! Did you even know there was professional indoor soccer? I didn’t before I moved up here to the city. I’m telling you, Kansas City has everything.

Anyway, so we were at the game and having a good time. However, it was pretty long, and the Comets won 21-6, so I downloaded a new game on my phone, based on the recommendation of a friend who was with us and also playing the game.

It’s called Draw Something, kind of a pictionary sort of thing. We were playing it last night on our phones while sitting next to each other.

No, I usually don’t do that because I think it’s a bit lame and I’d rather talk to him if he’s sitting next to me, but it was new and we were learning how to play, so we started in.

My first word was “UFO.” How do you draw a UFO? Is it a light in the sky? A comet? A spaceship?

I drew something that looked like sunshine or a star. No good. So I erased and drew something like that again. Dang it. so I erased and drew a spaceship. Keep in mind I only have 4 colors and I’m drawing with my finger on a fairly small touch screen. Needless to say, it didn’t look great…it wasn’t awful, but it was pretty bad.

Then I sent it to Wyatt’s phone.

He got it and pushed play so it started to play back my drawing…and it started with the first star-looking one. Oops.

So he watched all three drawings and still had no idea. I started to give hints.

“What color is the background?”

“Black?”

“And blue. What has black and blue backgrounds?”

“I don’t know.”

“A black background?”

“Uh…”

“Black and blue?”

“Uh…”

“What? You’re not even guessing!”

“I don’t know, sorry.”

“Ok, a black background that’s outside…”

“Black that’s outside?”

“Yes…”

“I don’t know.”

“Ok, well, it’s three letters and it gives you only like 10 to choose from…”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on! Just try! You don’t even have a guess? It’s a blue and black background…outside…”

“I don’t know!”

“There’s not many backgrounds outside…”

“Uh…”

“I mean, really, a blue and black background outside, how can you not know what that is?”

“Uh…”

“Come on!”

Hubs starts to laugh and type in UFO.

“I saw it when you started drawing…”

“WHAT??!!??”

“Well! You were sitting right there!”

“You knew this ENTIRE TIME!??!”

“…yea…”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING THAT WHOLE TIME!”

And we were both completely lost in laughs while I playfully tried to shove him off the couch,  while he easily combated my efforts because he’s stronger and knows where I’m most ticklish.

 

Anyway, that’s how our most memorable conversation went yesterday. What about you?

Categories: Laughs | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Friday’s Food for Thought: Way to go, Jim.

Last night, Hubs and I sat and watched the Office.

I wanted to post it but it’s not online yet, so here’s a brief description:

Jim is away on business. There’s a girl there that’s normal and fun and they hang out and get along. And at first it seems normal and fine. Until she shows up at his hotel room door saying the thermostat is her room is messed up and asking if she can hang out with him.

He does his best to keep his distance and get rid of her, but finally, he confronts her, saying he’s a happily married man. She insults his judgement and acts like he’s totally out of line for saying it. And then proceeds to be even more inappropriate.

And he finally tells her to leave, and gets Dwight to come drive her away.

As I watched, I couldn’t help but ask Wyatt what he would do if that happened.

He couldn’t help but laugh and laugh and laugh.

He assured me it would never, ever happen. But I pressed on, and we established that I would be totally fine if he went down to the lobby and reserved another room and locked her out of it. I wouldn’t care at all, no matter what it cost. Even if the only room available was the penthouse suite.

Marriage boundaries are something I’m super passionate about. Maybe because I’m old fashioned. Or maybe this never goes our of style…

Obviously, the show was a crazy example of something that will likely never happen in real life. But the principle is the same. Marriage is sacred and should be treated carefully and respected by all. If there’s a threat, it needs to be addressed.

And it’s not the first TV episode that’s inspired some good conversations. I may not like being lazy at night, but I enjoy any conversation that ends with laughter and smiles.

What do you think? Are there other examples that have inspired similar conversations in your marriage? I’d love to know your thoughts on this!

Categories: Friday's Food for Thought | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Today I ran 5 miles…

Why?

Well, because I got an email from a race that said my half marathon was less than 8 weeks away.

And I realized I needed to get my tushie in shape and start running longer distances than what was convenient.

After I got done, I saw Hubs’ car in front of our apartment so I knew he was home for work. I texted him and asked him to come down and walk with me, so we walked a mile together.

Then we came back in and got ready to make dinner.

Until Hubs realized we were out of milk and had to run to the store to get more.

I took that opportunity to shower the 6 miles worth of sweat off me.

I thought he would appreciate that.

Judging by the fact he hasn’t complained about how close I’m sitting to him right now, the shower must have helped.

But now we’re both tired and ready for bed. We’re so old and lame.

So tomorrow we can do it all over again, although probably not all of it. My body will probably need a rest.

I’m also assuming we won’t run out of milk again. That would be crazy.

Not at all unlike this random, about-nothing post.

Thanks for reading!

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Salty and sweet…and maybe a nap…

After the very, very long day I had today, I was a bit salty, and I came home and hurt Hubs’s feelings.

Dangit.

That’s not what I wanted to do.

It’s times like that when I wish I had a “do over” button.

But I don’t, so let’s start at the beginning.

And let’s just say that day 2 at work wasn’t super great. I know there’s a learning curve and it takes time to get settled in. But I came home in a semi-sour mood. Hubs was on the couch, headphones on, and knee-deep in COD. I immediately set to work in the kitchen getting dinner ready.

I didn’t mean to make him feel bad for not starting dinner.

I just needed something to do, something to relax me, something to put something delicious in my mouth…

But he thought I was huffing and puffing about not having dinner ready. I was just huffing because of my own stuff, though I admit that I wasn’t super happy to come home to fake gunfire. (He had the headphones on but forgot to turn the TV on mute, so sound was coming out of it as well.)

Not a great start to our night.

We made up and got dinner ready together pretty quickly though, (chicken, rice, and zucchini) and moved on. I settled into the couch with a blanket, a pot of tea, and my headphones to listen to an interview and write my freelance piece. Hubs was watching a marathon of “Hillbilly Handfishing,” a show about noodling.

And so we both settled into our night. Now, I’m already tired and ready for bed.

Which is normally fine, because this is Hubs’s (our) bedtime. But tonight he has a soccer game at 11:50.

Yes, 11:50.

As in, his game is practically at midnight.

Also as in, it won’t be over until tomorrow.

Sheesh.

Of course I want to go with him. I like to watch him play. It might be the last game. I don’t want to go to bed without him. We’re newlyweds, so all those things have a lot of pull.

However, I got up at 6 a.m. for work this morning. And I’ll be up at 6 a.m. tomorrow. So I’m just not sure how great of an idea this will be.

But, despite the long day, despite our little fight when I got home, despite the late late late soccer game, this is cheering me up a bit…

It's half the fat and calories mint chip ice cream, so I feel less guilty about the hot fudge. A little less guilty.

At this point, I’m still undecided on the soccer game. I’ll let you know.

Maybe I’ll go take a nap and decide later.

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Tonight we went out to dinner…and other thoughts…

When I got home from work tonight, I was hungry. And craving fried chicken. (I was craving it last night, too, but didn’t give in, so it carried over.) All of our chicken was frozen in the freezer. So I sweetly suggested we go out.

So we did.

And we went to “Restaurant A” and sat down and remembered their chicken wasn’t so hot. And they didn’t come greet us for almost five minutes (and they weren’t busy…) so we left and went to “Restaurant B.” We’d never been there before but didn’t go in there because we looked in the window and didn’t see what we were in the mood for from the car. We’ll try it another night. So we went to, and ate at, “Restaurant C.” What a perk of living in the city! All those places were within five minutes of our apartment.

Then we came home and Hubs helped me get the invites for my best friend’s bridal shower all trimmer, stuffed, and addressed so I can mail them tomorrow. Don’t worry, it wasn’t too much of a job for him, and he got to play some video games and watch TV for most of the time I was working on it. Still, I was super thankful for his help.

Also, our new neighbors have a huge pile of trash outside their door. It’s been there since last week. We don’t want to be bad neighbors, but we’d like to have the trash not there…when is it okay to call the office? Hmm….

And, I have a pretty big day tomorrow, work-wise. So be watching for an update there soon.

Oh, and we made about 100 meatballs together yesterday before the Super Bowl party we went to with friends. We don’t cook together all the time (a lot recently, but still not as often as we’d like)because it’s not that often we’re both free and home to work on meals. Plus, there’s not a ton of room in our kitchen for two people. But we managed to be good partners for the meatball adventure. And though he “forgot” to wash the dishes while I was at work that afternoon and he was at home on the couch, and while I went to work and had to listen to people say, “I smell sausage or something…” whenever they were standing next to me…it was a grand success.

And we have the leftovers to prove it.

Overall, the Super Bowl party was a fun way to top off our fun weekend. We had a visit from my friend Liz and her fiance, Matt. It was great to have a “double date” for dinner that night and we stayed up way too late on Friday playing games and talking. I’ve missed her, and everyone! Moving away from friends and family is the only negative I’ve found from marriage so far. And it’s a great excuse for fun visits like that, so I won’t really complain. I love our home here, and our new life together.

As a side note, thanks to a message from a friend, we spent the last part of our night on the couch eating a small bowl of ice cream and watching the Diners, Drive Ins, and Drives KC BBQ episode. Great way to end a night.

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I started to cry in the parking lot…

It all started with a math problem. A sixth grade math problem to be exact. We were helping to figure out a problem for my little cousin’s homework and Wyatt thought of a way to get the answer that I thought was too complicated to try to explain. He was upset because it seemed like I didn’t care that he’d taken the time to figure it out. I was upset because I was tired of dealing with it and didn’t want to have to explain all of that over the phone…

Pretty soon he snapped at me when I tried to explain why I had ignored his suggestion (2 mistakes right there!) and I was immediately so angry and upset that I started to cry in the parking lot. Then we drove to Walmart and I was trying to calm down enough that I didn’t have running eye make up all over the place. But that didn’t really work because I’m a terrible crier and I have trouble breathing once I’m trying to hold in my tears and then they usually just keep coming, no matter how much I want to shut them off. So I’m sure by this point, I had both a runny nose and running mascara. Yay.

But it’s amazing what a few short minutes of good conflict resolution will do for a situation. It’s really a simple concept. For example, I went from crying in the car to laughing as we walked through the aisles at Walmart (because I knew I looked terrible), in less than five minutes.

All because we’re getting pretty good (at least sometimes!) at working through and resolving issues more quickly.

I love that Hubs has a pretty short attention span when it comes to arguments because he is ready to move on quickly. I’m like that, too, as long as I’m satisfied that the issue is resolved. However, the problem with this that we’ve had in the past is that he tends to “move on” before I feel we’ve reached any sort of conclusion. And then I tend to feel as though he’s abandoning the issue, or worse, abandoning me in my frustration, anger, or hurt feelings.

But now that we’ve had that same conversation a few times (that I need a better resolution to conflict) we’re getting better at figuring out what works for us.

Hubs is getting better at learning to communicate that he’s ready to be be done fighting in a way that’s less “I give up because I don’t care,” and more “I’m sorry we had a fight, but I want to move on now.”

And for my part? I’m learning to say things like, “I’m sorry I reacted like that when I know you didn’t intend to upset me,” instead of “How could you have said that? It was so hurtful!”

How great is that?

We’re growing!

In the meantime, I’m also growing around the middle. Probably all the leftover Christmas candy I’ve been eating.

Dang Santa! Why’d he have to bring such delicious chocolate?

And why’d I give into the growling in my belly while we were at the store and break down to buy chips and dip.

And why did I eat those AFTER we had dinner?

(P.S. Mom, the chips and dip wasn’t as good as they should have been. I couldn’t find the right dip! And we bought cheap chips…but never again…never again.)

 

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

“Honey, how’s your belly?” (Another sleep-talking adventure)

On Christmas night, we indulged in a late dinner of delicious, rich, and not-so-healthy appetizers and sweets aplenty at my parents’ house before opening gifts together. When we went to bed, Hubs had a bit of a bellyache.

Now, normally, this wouldn’t have been an issue, but since my sister had been sick the day before, I was concerned it wasn’t the late, heavy dinner, but rather a bug, a contagious bug, a contagious bug that I was sure to get the next day being that I seem to have a less than awesome immune system most of the time.

(Plus, I was sick not so long ago, (remember from this post?), and I did not need or want to revisit it.)

So when I woke up in the middle of the night and rolled over, and Hubs also woke up and rolled over, I asked him, “Honey, how’s your belly?”

To which he answered, “I don’t have one…”

“HONEY, how’s your BELLY?”

“I don’t have one!”

“Honey, how’s your stomach?”

“It’s fine…”

And then I laughed, quietly of course, and went back to sleep while Hubs huffed a bit and did the same.

Do you guys have sleep-talking stories to share? Or is this something we alone are blessed with?

And don’t worry, Hubs isn’t embarrassed by telling this story. In fact, I love when this sort of thing happens, because when I tell him about it the next day, he laughs louder than he usually laughs for anything else. (And I love to hear him laugh because he laughs with his whole self and his entire face lights up. Being the person to make him laugh that way always makes my heart happy.)

You know what they say, “the secret to a life filled with laughter is being able to laugh at yourself.”

Plus, laughter is certainly important in marriage. We’ve bypassed many arguments already in our short few months of marriage just by suddenly recognizing the humor of the situation and beginning to chuckle. Plus, it helps us not take ourselves too seriously, while still maintaining a very serious commitment to making this marriage work.

Categories: Laughs | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Stealing things is a lot different than stealing joy

Friday night was not a great night here in newlywedville. (Yes, I know that’s not a real word, or a real place.)

Just to give you some background information, neither Hubs nor I owned a credit card before we got married. In fact, we had a slight panic before the wedding when we were trying to make honeymoon arrangements and needed one to reserve hotel rooms. We got that all worked out and use it pretty much only to buy gas or large grocery shopping trips just for the cash back. We try to be responsible and pay it off every month and until Friday, we had no problems.

But, Friday night while checking the balance to pay it off, Hubs discovered a $900+ charge to an online golf warehouse. While he would like a new set of golf clubs, these certainly weren’t purchased by us. So we had to deal with that. Luckily, we won’t be responsible for the payment, but it’s still a hassle.

Then, Saturday morning when he was getting ready to leave, Wyatt discovered his car had been broken into. They threw a rock or something through the window and stole the radio and his MP3 player. Keep in mind, people, that his car is a ’90 Honda accord, and his radio and Zune were at least 5-7 years old, maybe even 10, I’d guess.

So we had a pretty eventful weekend, all things considered. It’s a weird feeling to be stolen from. Not only do you feel angry and frustrated at everything you have to deal with, there’s also a sense of violation that comes into play. Someone was in your space, touching and taking your things. It makes my skin crawl a bit. And then there’s the loss. We’re not rich, we don’t have a lot, and while a radio and music player aren’t necessities, we’ll certainly feel their absence. We’ve both reached for the radio knob while driving several times. And we’ll have to pay to get the window fixed.

We also had to pay for the plastic to cover the broken window. (Yes, we’re reppin’ the plastic taped to the window. I hesitate to say “white trash” for fear of offending anyone in a similar situation, but let’s just say we felt a bit conspicuous driving around in nicer neighborhoods this weekend.)

So why can I honestly say we still had a good weekend, despite all this craziness?

Well, because we did our best to deal with each situation and we moved on. Yes, Hubs was REALLY mad when he discovered the car window broken and everything gone, and yes, I could see the anger and annoyance and even hurt in his eyes when he was on the phone with the credit card company. But when we sat down together at the end of the day on Saturday night after dealing with all this, we were both relaxed and smiling.

Of course, that could have also had something to do with our decorated tree and the couple of beers we’d enjoyed. Oh, and the holiday cheer that came from watching Rudolph on TV. Can you believe Hubs had NEVER seen it before? NEVER? I was amazed and amused as he got a kick out of the name “Yukon Cornelius.”

The beginning of the good part of this weekend.

Yes, I know you’ve seen that post if you follow me on Twitter. Want to follow me on twitter? Sounds like a good plan to me! Go here.

So, what did I learn this weekend? Lots of things.

1. Locking your doors is important, but not ALWAYS helpful. If someone wants in, they’ll get in. Also, I’m thankful my car has an alarm system that tends to go off at random times that I’m usually annoyed by. At least there’s a chance it would go off in a case like this…

2. I’m thankful for our neighbors down below who happened to see a guy lurking around cars checking the doors a night last week while he was standing on his deck smoking. No, it didn’t stop us from having to deal with this, but it might have stopped us from having to deal with it on a weekday when Hubs would have needed to go to work, and it might have stopped us from having to deal with it twice. Who knows? Either way, I’m glad to know he’s watching out when he’s out there.

3. I so admire that Wyatt tries so hard to control his emotions around me and that he’s successful at these attempts. I’ve seen him get very angry before (never at me), but I was a bit intimidated to see that fire in his eyes anytime it would happen. Every year we’ve been together, I’ve seen him grow and mature in the way he deals with things that anger and upset him. Yes, he was justified in being upset, but I’m so thankful to never have to be concerned about my safety or the probability of him busting his fist through a wall and I respect and admire the way he works through problems instead of blowing up.

4. No matter how safe our apartment feels or how much I like the area of the city we live in, it’s still the city and there are still reasons to not roll my eyes when my mom says to be careful up here. I should never be casual about my surroundings.

5. Being married to a man I trust is so comforting. He’s not only my best friend and our family’s provider, he’s also my protector. And falling asleep in his arms is exactly where I want to end every night. Reason # 163 why Husband roommates are the best.

6. Christmas festivities really do make my heart happy. And like the expression says, “Happy wife, happy life.” When I was excited about decorating our tree, Hubs was grinning and playing along as well.  It’s our first Christmas as husband and wife, and our tree is beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I admit to shedding a few tears. But when I had tears in my eyes on Saturday night, it was for a totally different reason than the tears that fell Friday night.

What’s that? You want to see our tree all dolled up?

You’ll have to check back and see it tomorrow!

 

Categories: Adventures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

A new adventure to tackle…work.

First of all, THANKS for all the great Christmas feedback! You guys have given some great advice on the questions I asked yesterday. If you have other insight, please share it! It’s not too late!

Next, I think it’s time I reveal that I am no longer unemployed! Woo hoo! Actually, I haven’t been unemployed for awhile because I’ve been doing some part-time freelance writing (writing is my passion, and getting paid to do that is such a blessing!). But today was my first day of training at a new part-time position close to our apartment. I won’t go into too much detail yet, but it’s a specialized retail position and I think I’ll really enjoy my time there.

Is it my dream job? No, I already told you that writing was my passion. But I am excited about this opportunity to learn new skills and make some money to put into savings (Hubs and I are hoping to buy a house in the next year or so…) and I really do think I’ll have fun with this. And it will get me out of the house so I’m not stuck inside during the cold and snowy winter months when I can’t go running and I have cabin fever. Plus, it does fall into the category of giving me experience in an area I’d eventually love to write about, so if nothing else, I can use this as training for a possible future opportunity, right? Right.

This is my "I just got hired" face!

As you can see, I’m pretty upbeat about the whole thing, though I admit, I was so used to being rejected and ignored that when they hired me, I was a bit shocked! In fact, I drove to the bank and then to Wal-mart totally hyped up and dazed, just wishing 5 o’clock would get here so I could tell Wyatt about it.

I’m super thankful for the opportunity and while I felt a little like I was “giving up” on my dreams of being a writer, I have realized I shouldn’t see it that way. Not only am I still doing the freelance work, I’m also going to keep looking for something more permanent and in my career field. I know I have a lot to learn and a lot to offer someone in the future. So I need to continue to seek that out while taking advantage of this opportunity right now.

(P.S. Did anyone notice how green my eyes look in that picture above? Wow. I thought they were turning a bit darker, but maybe not. And the flash doesn’t show the yellow, but trust me, the yellow sunflowers are there, just ask Hubs.)

Sorry for that aside.

So, because of this new job, Hubs beat me home from work today and had the oven all preheated for dinner (leftovers from this night. Yum) I have a feeling that if I’m not home during the day, we’ll need some adjustments. I’ll have to get used to doing more housework at night when Hubs is here, and Hubs will have to start doing more of that, too…If he wants clean underwear to put on every morning.

(I joke with him that the laundry fairy visits his dresser during the day to fill it up…but if the laundry fairy is busy at work, those visits might get fewer and far between!)

It’s not that I mind doing the housework, I really don’t. I like being able to serve our little family in that way. It’s my way of staying busy and “doing my part” since I’ve been home all day anyway. And I’m sure Hubs will have no problem doing more around here. After all, before we got married, he was used to doing all that for himself anyway. In fact, I’m actually kind of excited to settle into this newer pace in our relationship. I think it will feel more long-term, since the whole time I’ve been home has been a little like I’ve just been waiting for my “real” life to start. (Not that being a housewife hasn’t been “real” life, or won’t someday be my “real” life again, but as a newlywed with no kiddos, I’ve just been expecting to go to work someday. And that someday finally came.)

And, now that I’m home from work and dinner is done and Hubs is settled in on the couch, I think I’ll get up from my lap top, do the dish (yes, just one, aren’t leftovers nice?) and then make some hot tea, and find a new craft to do tonight. Anyone have suggestions for cheap, easy Christmas crafts you like to do?

Before I do that, though, I wanted to mention the chance to vote for me to win a Top Ten Marriage Blog Award over at Stupendous Marriage. It’s an honor to be nominated and I’m very grateful for all of the readers and support I’ve gotten since July. It really is great to belong to this blogging community of people committed to and interested in marriage, or just those that like to follow along with our adventures in figuring out married life.

So thanks for reading! And if you like it here (I hope you do!), I’d appreciate if you’d go vote! It’s pretty quick and easy. Just go here. and follow the instructions. Or click the little blue and green Top Ten Finalist button on the top right of the page. Thanks in advance!

 

 

Categories: Adventures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

When to NOT apologize.

Tonight when Wyatt got done with work, he immediately set himself on the couch and started playing. (Yay video games…but I know, I know, it’s still so new that he wants to play all the time.) I wasn’t mad. Honest to goodness, I was NOT mad. Not even a little bit annoyed. But when I looked over to see him in the middle of a game and I said, “dinner’s almost ready,” and he replied with “I just started a game, so I’ll be ready in less than ten minutes,” I was immediately fuming.

To me, it looked like he could have stopped right then. To him, he had already hit whatever button starts the live play and was waiting for the game to begin any second.

I huffed back, “In ten minutes, I’ll have to reheat everything!”

“And he said, “whoa, there….”

And then I was mad.

And I stayed pretty mad through the next ten minutes of trying to keep everything hot and get the plates ready. I nursed my hurt feelings while we ate, and when he insisted on doing the dishes (which, hello! was the right thing for him to do so I should have just accepted), I was angry that he was trying to “make it up to me.”

But I apologized.

Not because I felt sorry.

Not because I was ready to move on.

Truth is, I’m not really sure why I did it. I guess I was hoping he’d say, “No, I’m sorry, honey, you were right, I should have quit my game right then and come to dinner, and what can I do to make it up to you, you know, after I do the dishes and vacuum the floor and dust and…

Ok, I’m kidding.

But seriously.

It doesn’t matter what we’re fighting about, or for how long, it seems that no matter what, I apologize first.

Is this bad?

I don’t think so. Someone has to, and it might as well be me. As long as Hubs is willing to have the “I’m sorry conversation,” I think it doesn’t matter which one of us “caves” first.

That being said, I don’t always enjoy being this person when I’m still feeling angry. And you know what? I think that’s my fault.

The whole purpose of the apology should be to move past the argument, not work through it. I’m doing it all wrong.

When should you say sorry? It isn’t to spur the other person on to apologizing so I can feel justified in my anger. It isn’t to inspire guilt in my Hubs so he feels bad about whatever made me angry in the first place. It’s to express to him that I am ready to make up and move on, that the argument is resolved, and my heart is ready to be at peace with whatever situation we’re dealing with.

So, how do I work on this?

I pride myself, and I’m proud of Wyatt, that we do our best to fight fair. We don’t bring up past hurts (if we’ve truly forgiven, those past hurts should be just that, in the past), we don’t take personal hits or attacks, we try our best to stay on topic, and we listen to what the other is saying, staying as calm as possible in our replies.

But if I’m honest, this practice of preliminary “sorry’s” isn’t fair to him. Or me. And especially not to US.

Marriage is about being honest and dealing with things head on. There’s no room for this kind of trick. No good can come from pretending to be sorry before I am. It’s just going to make me more likely to pick a rebound argument a few minutes later, like I did tonight. And then we’re right back to where we started.

And even worse, Wyatt’s more confused than ever.

When I say I’m sorry, I should mean it. I shouldn’t be secretly still harboring the same hurt feelings.

I think something more productive would be to say, “Honey, I want to talk about this. I think my feelings were hurt because……what do you think about it?”

As I write this, I’m struck by how surreal and cheesy it sounds.

But you know what? I don’t care. It’s WAY better than the alternative, staying mad. Or worse, hurting my husband and myself. Plus, of course it sounds cheesy. Our culture has learned to accept, appreciate, and even thrive on unhealthy, loud, dramatic arguments. (That’s why reality TV shows are the way they are, and why they’re so popular.) But I don’t live in a reality TV show. And thank goodness, because most of those families end up falling apart. And how could they not? Have you seen the way they fight?

The truth is, in marriage, there’s going to be arguments. There’s going to be hurt feelings and anger. They aren’t the problem. The problem is when we don’t know how to react. And are Hubs and I perfect at this? Obviously not, did you just read the above post? But we’re trying.

Now I have another whole topic to focus on when we’re in a conflict. (It’s so much easier to just be happy!)

What about you? What are your tips for fighting fair? Have you done this and realized you really weren’t sorry yet? How do you move on from there?

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

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