Posts Tagged With: Advice

Working Late – ADVICE FROM YOU!

I haven’t had one of these “Please help!” posts in a while. Maybe because we’re feeling more settled in our marriage and we don’t have as many moments that leave us thinking, “I wonder how other people figure this stuff out…” Or maybe because life has been so crazy focused on our house and work that we haven’t had a lot of time to really dig deep in these marriage issues that sometimes come up.

As I write this, Hubs is still not home from work on a Friday night. He’s worked long hours all week. And all last week. And the week before that.

We were gone all last week because he had to work out of town. I went with him hoping to spend some quality time together during the evenings and on the weekends, but even that time was mostly filled with him responding to emails, finishing projects on his laptop while I read, or him needing to go to bed early so he could get up early and do it all over again the next day.

I love that he loves his job. And I’m so thankful he can do something he enjoys (mostly!) to support our little family and help us have this beautiful home we love.

I even like that he sometimes has work to do at home. I don’t mind reading quietly or working on projects of my own for an hour or so of an evening if he has work to do. It’s nice to be able to sit quietly with our own projects and still just be there with each other.

But I’m at a loss as to what to do to help him relax when he comes home and has time to unplug from the day or week he’s had.

Don’t get me wrong, we still enjoy our evenings together, but lately, I can tell work’s been on his mind more than before. I know every job is a different situation and there are certain times when we need to be accessible by email and phone. But I’m just wondering how we decide what things are “work-free” zones and how to best really commit to being present in those moments when work is always in the back of our mind?

So, friends, tell me, what are your best tips for helping your honey relax when he can’t stop thinking about work? And how do you find the balance between work and play and time at home?

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Sleep-cheating…a confession

Well guys, I have a confession to make.

I sleep in sometimes. In fact, compared to my hard-working Hubs, I sleep in almost every day.

See, he gets up around 6:45 a.m. every day to get ready for work. He leaves around 7:05 or 7:10. (Yup, he’s quick.)

I get up when he’s finishing up getting dressed and ready. Before he heads out the door, I make his lunch and breakfast and send him on his way with a kiss.

And then do you know what I do?

I go back to bed.

Yup.

There, I said it. I admitted it.

But every morning, I feel a little guilty about it.

Sometimes I feel so guilty about it that I can’t really sleep so I just hang out there in bed, all comfy and warm and thinking about how sorry I am Hubs had to get up and go to work. Then do you know what happens? If I stay there long enough, all comfy and warm, I fall asleep.

Usually, I wake up when my alarm goes off about 45 minutes later, around 8:00. And that’s usually when I drag myself out of bed.

Sometimes, though, I sleep until 8:30 if I’m really tired. A few times, I’ve stayed in bed until 9:15.

(gasp!)

I know, I know, it’s not like I’m doing something particularly wrong, but I feel guilty that he’s running around on less sleep than me. He is, after all, the one of us who likes to sleep in the most. I have trouble staying in bed past 10:00 (on a weekend, never on a weekday), but he could snooze until noon! Or after if I brought him lunch. Maybe even without the lunch. I swear, he could sleep through an entire day and not even care about missing his meals.

Needless to say, I know he hates getting up. Every morning it goes like this.

(Alarm goes off)

Hubs hits the snooze button.

(Alarm goes off ten minutes later.)

Hubs: Unnnggghhh. I don’t want to get up.

Me: I’m sorry, honey. You have to.

Silence.

Me: Or you can call in sick or go in late…

Hubs: Unnngghh. I can’t.

And then he rolls over and gets out of bed and into the shower.

Poor guy.

It’s like I’m sleep-cheating on him when I go back to bed after he leaves.

I work from home (part time), so it’s not like I feel completely worthless. I am contributing to our family finances after all, and I do a lot around the house, too. The guilt was worse when we were first married and I didn’t have as much to do.

But I still feel guilty.

And yet, I still do it. Almost every day.

I’m torn between sleep and a clear conscious.

And the crazy thing is, he knows I go back to bed. He may be jealous but he doesn’t care. He’s never purposely made me feel guilty. It comes from me, for sure.

(Much like the way I feel about him when he drinks coffee or sweet tea in front of me. I’m jealous, but I don’t want him to miss out just because I have to…)

But the problem is, I don’t know what to do. Should I keep stealing the extra sleep time? Should I force myself to get up and started on my day when he does? Am I crazy for thinking about this so much? Does anyone else struggle with this? Am I totally on my own here?

Help!

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Advice from You: “Real” Grown-ups

I think the biggest thing about having our one-year anniversary is that I’m now feeling less and less like a newlywed.

Of course, I’d say a big part of this is that we bought a “big” house that we are now working on and making our own.

We have settled into our own routines and habits. We have favorite weeknight dinners and a familiar list of grocery “staples” that we buy every week, or every week at least.

And we just feel like we’re growing up more all the time.

I have to admit I feel a little sad about some of this “growing up” stuff. I don’t want to lose the freshness and excited newness we had when we were first married. I’m even a little sad to leave our apartment as we move to our new house soon…it’s where we learned how to live together, where we became our own little family.

But I know the future will hold so much more than the past has held, and that there will always be new and exciting things for us to do together. And even though we won’t feel like newlyweds, we’ll feel like a comfortable, stable, married couple…which is just as good. Better even.

Still, sometimes I find myself feeling nostalgic and unsure what to do with those feelings.

What about you? Ever feel like you’re growing up too fast? Ever feel sad thinking about how some really great, exciting times are behind you? How do you handle those feelings? Let’s here some advice!

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Friday’s Food for Thought: What the kids think…

It’s Friday and it’s summer, so I wanted to share some silly, happy thoughts with you guys today. You know the drill. Read it, and talk back to me!

On how to make love last…

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” -Ava, age 8  (SO TRUE, AVA, SO TRUE.)

“Don’t forget your wife’s name … That will mess up the love.” -Erin, age 8

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” -Dave, age 8

On how to find the right person to marry…

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Allan, age 10

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” -Michelle, age 9 (WELL, OF COURSE WE HOPE THAT!)

On what to do after falling in love…

“Single is better… for the simple reason that I wouldn’t want to change diapers… Of course, if I did get married, I’d figure something out. I’d just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing.” Kirsten, age 10 (HOW ‘BOUT IT MOM? THINK THAT WOULD WORK?)

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” -Allan, 10

On why people fall in love…

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell … That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” -Mae, age 9

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” -Manuel, age 8 (IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE, RIGHT?)

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10 (AW, SO SWEET…I THINK.)

And the last one:

 

Note: I found most of these with a quick google search and some various pages that popped up there, so I have no idea who these children are and if they really said this stuff. Still, it’s cute, right?

Categories: Friday's Food for Thought | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The 10 Best Things About Being a Newlywed

I’ve had some time to think about marriage recently, and I’ve compiled a list that I thought was important enough to share with all of you. Ready? Let’s go.

(Note: This list is not at all intended to be taken totally seriously, unless of course, you are a newlywed, or can remember being one, and thus, you can remember the complicated sense of annoyed-joy that goes along with many of these “bests.”)

(Another note. If written sarcasm gives you trouble, and it does for a lot of us, then here’s a hint: most of this is written with the sarcastic undertones of a writer who has had an incredibly frustrating day, and yet is trying desperately to cling to the optimistic, happy bursts of energy that get me through each day.)

1. It’s awesome how poor newlyweds are! I love that the most extravagant splurge we make each week is deciding which low-to-moderately-priced restaurant we want to eat at for the one meal each week that we budget not eating at home for. This makes it incredibly easy to explore all the coolest and hippest places in this great big city that we call home.

2. Hand-me-down furniture matches so well! Luckily, my style is pretty eclectic so I actually like a lot of the pieces we’re slowly starting to collect. However, Hubs isn’t so lucky. He typically likes things more sleek and modern. Not something that’s easy to find at thrift shops, garage sales, and in our parents’ basements.

3. Sharing a bathroom for the first time with a member of the opposite sex isn’t at all awkward! We live in a one bedroom apartment with one bathroom. There’s not a lot of sound-proofing, or smell-proofing, that goes along with a situation like that. Oh, and there’s long hairs on nearly every surface in there, no matter how often I try to clean them up. I’m sure Hubs is wondering how there’s still any hair left on my head after I’ve shed all over everything for the past year.

4. Sleeping in the same bed with someone for the first time after 20+ years of not sharing the covers is such an easy adjustment to make! You guys that have been married for a bunch of years don’t fight over the sheets, talk in your sleep, kick each other in the shins, accidentally put an elbow in someone’s ear or eye in the middle of the night, or blow morning breath in each others’ faces often enough. You should try doing all those things again. It will really help rekindle the romance in your lives, I’m sure of it. It also helps you be super sweet to each other when a fight breaks out after a bad night’s sleep.

5. People expect us to start having kids any day now, which is awesome. I love dreaming about the future, but I also like sleeping through the night and not spending hundreds of dollars on diapers every month. See numbers 1 and 4 if you need clarification on those two things again.

6. We get to experience a whole bunch of new things all the time that make us grumpy. When you’ve only lived together a short time, it’s easy to always find new ways to annoy each other. We’re learning how to avoid these things, but there are bound to be plenty of more new fights before we’ve “had them all.”

7. It’s acceptable to be lovely-dovey in public. Nothing says “I love you,” like a bold pat on the tushie or a big kiss while waiting in line at the grocery store.

8. Almost all of our photos are professionally taken, so they look great. We don’t have any kids so almost all of our photo frames are full of pictures of us. Most of those were taken on our wedding day. They are beautiful, but I wonder how long it’s acceptable to only display photos of our wedding in our home.

9. Almost all recipes require a special trip to the store because we don’t have a built-up pantry. I love finding awesome recipes I want to make that night and then realizing we don’t have like half of the ingredients!

10. None of these other things really matter that much because marriage is a journey that I’m happy to be on with my best friend. Yes, we fight, and yes we have some unfortunate moments. But, overall, I’d say that we’ve learned more than we ever planned to, and love each other more now than we did before. We’re patient, most of the time, and happy, almost all of the time, too, so there’s really nothing to complain about.

And about the other nine items on my list? We’ll get through them. But if you have advice, we’d love to hear it!

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

On my own again, but needing some help from you!

This was the first time in a month that I could pick any topic I wanted. In case you missed it, for the last month, I’ve participated in the A to Z blogging challenge.

It was fun and I met lots of cool new bloggers, so if you’re one of them, welcome, and thanks!

But I’m ready to get back to the basics.

And as my first post back on my own, I’ve decided to ask a question that’s been on our minds the past couple of nights. I’ll leave it up to you guys tonight. Take the poll, and leave a  comment!

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Y”awning

Sometimes, Hubs and I are lazy.

Usually though, we’re pretty busy.

That’s great, because we love being active and visiting family and friends. But, it means we have lots of long weekends away from home, so sleeping in isn’t usually an option. And sometimes, as newlyweds, our night-time snuggle time interrupts would could be sleeping time. Plus, I have to get up at or before 6am for work since I’m driving more than 35 minutes every morning. Yikes.

So, we’re often tired.

And that means I yawn at work.

Hubs can drink coffee to help wake himself up, but I’m caffeine-free now and am in need of a new way to find a pick-me-up after a long week, or a busy weekend.

Advice is appreciated! Let me know what works for you!

 

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

“F”ridays… but not a usual one

We like Fridays as much as the next person.

But as newlyweds, they’re even more special because it usually means a night that we get to stay up and just hang out with no bed time…since we have to get up at 6 AM on weekdays. Sometimes we stay up late, sometimes we just go to bed early anyway and cuddle, or sometimes we go out. But we always spend it together…

Not this week.

I’ll be at a bachelorette party all night. Hubs is hanging out here so he can go to the soccer game on Saturday with the guys.

It’s going to be a fun time for both of us. But we won’t be together.

This will make the third time since we’ve been married that we’ve been apart at night. Not the third night, (this will make close to 15 or 17 nights, I forget the exact count) but the third reason.

What about you? How do you get through nights or weekends apart? 

 

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Thanks, coach!

It’s warm outside again, which means soccer nights have started back up.

Tonight was the first game (and by game, I mean a pick-up game of whoever shows up) of the year and I was excited all day.

(Not so excited that I skipped my long run today. I did 7 miles!)

But when we got there, I got a little nervous. I’m such a newbie to soccer. I’ve only been playing for a few months, since we got married really, and I’m not very good.

Ok, I’m pretty bad.

But I could be worse.

And I’m getting better!

Slowly, but still…

I was afraid that all the improvements I made during the Fall would be long gone now.

I’d love to say that I’m always appreciative when Hubs has soccer tips and advice to share. That I always listen and try my hardest to do what he says. That I’m thankful he notices when I do something I could have done better…

But it’s not always like that.

Sometimes my pride gets in the way and I think he’s out of line to tell me something I could do better when I’ve only been playing for a few months and he’s played for years and years.

Sometimes my feelings get hurt because I want him to just notice that I tried to do something well, not notice why my intentions didn’t work and try to help me learn why.

Sometimes I’m just embarrassed.

But usually, most of the time, I’m truly thankful for his interest and advice.

It wasn’t an easy journey to this place though.

I’m a prideful being. I’ve had success in my life in many different areas and it’s hard for me to admit when I’m really terrible at something.

Plus, I’m competitive. I don’t like to be the worst at something. Especially when Hubs is so good!

It’s not that I think I will get better on my own, or that I don’t want to get better. It’s that I need to admit that I need help.

It’s hard to say we need help. And even though a spouse is someone especially close, it doesn’t make it any easier to accept our short-comings. In fact, I think it makes it harder. We never want to admit to being faulted, wrong, or needy to the one person who most inspires us to be better, stronger, and more appealing. At least that’s how it is for me.

know that he wants me to have a good time, and he knows I’ll have a better time if I’m having some good moments mixed in with all my not so good ones.

know that he has tips that will help me, and that if I listen to him, I’ll get better.

know that he doesn’t ever mean to upset me with anything he says.

And with practice, and a humble heart, I’ve learned to accept these truths, no matter how grumpy I get when I miss a ball or pass to the other team or fail in my attempt to “cradle it like an egg.”

So I’m thankful for his help.

Really, I am.

And I look forward to those few “Good ball, honey!” moments throughout the night.

Here’s to a summer of soccer!

What about you? What struggles do you have with being humble? How do you overcome it?

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Clutter, clutter everywhere… a housewife confession

Ok, so it’s no episode of hoarders over here, but it is pretty messy.

The dining room table is covered with clutter.

The coffee table is covered with clutter.

The love seat has clutter, the floor has clutter, the bathroom counter and bedroom floor have clutter.

It’s enough to make me real grumpy and a lot overwhelmed.

I really dislike having all this stuff sitting around making the house look messy. It makes my mind feel messy.

But when I get home from work and have other work to do, the stuff around here kind of piles up.

True, we work on it when we can, and when we feel like it, and we almost always have the kitchen nicely clean, but I can’t help but feel like I can’t really focus on the tasks I have to do when I’m thinking about how messy the house is. I hate having to clean up before I have space to start a project.

Maybe this is something I’ll get used to as we get more settled into marriage. I’m sure we’ll get grooves and rhythms and patterns of how we use our home and how we manage the everyday messes that occur. I certainly managed to function all through high school and college at my parents’ house when the floor in my room would get completely covered with clothes, books, and who knows what all else.

It’s not that I’m naturally one of those people that cleans all the time or has to put things away as soon as I use them.

I’m not like that at all. My mom will certainly vouch for that!

I’m in a hurry. I’m busy. I have things to do and people to see. I have jobs 1, 2, and 3 to balance.

But I also really hate to be surrounded by clutter. That’s why I keep my bookshelves as free from knick-knacks as possible and hesitate to set things on my counters. I like things neat.

I feel more at peace when I’m surrounded by a space that’s organized…

…even though I seldom take the time to organize as I go…

so I end up with a big pile of organizing to do all at once.

And then I get huffy and salty.

And Hubs gets annoyed that I’m huffy for no real reason.

After all, the house was messy yesterday, why am I suddenly freaking out over it?

It’s an endless cycle.

I have a feeling this is something that won’t go away unless we work on it. Life won’t slow down enough for us to always have a perfect house, and that’s fine. It’s perfectly fine. I don’t need a clean house all the time. I want our home to look loved and used and lived in. I just don’t want to have to move a giant pile of mail and half-folded-laundry every time I want to use the table for something.

Ideas?

Solutions?

I had an idea last night that Hubs and I should try to focus on cleaning at least one little area of the house each night before we go to bed. The table, the coffee table, the bathroom counter, the sides of the bed where we both end up with a pile of worn laundry….you get the idea.

That way, we’ll go to bed feeling like we accomplished something specific and tangible, and things won’t get so overwhelming for me to freak out over and get huffy and stomp around cleaning while Hubs sits on the couch looking at me with a confused look on my face.

See what I mean?

What about you? What keeps your house from getting clutter-crazy? How do you handle it when it feels overwhelmingly messy? Is this something that affects your marriage at all? Does it cause fights? I’d love some tips and tricks!

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

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