Posts Tagged With: confession

Sleep-cheating…a confession

Well guys, I have a confession to make.

I sleep in sometimes. In fact, compared to my hard-working Hubs, I sleep in almost every day.

See, he gets up around 6:45 a.m. every day to get ready for work. He leaves around 7:05 or 7:10. (Yup, he’s quick.)

I get up when he’s finishing up getting dressed and ready. Before he heads out the door, I make his lunch and breakfast and send him on his way with a kiss.

And then do you know what I do?

I go back to bed.

Yup.

There, I said it. I admitted it.

But every morning, I feel a little guilty about it.

Sometimes I feel so guilty about it that I can’t really sleep so I just hang out there in bed, all comfy and warm and thinking about how sorry I am Hubs had to get up and go to work. Then do you know what happens? If I stay there long enough, all comfy and warm, I fall asleep.

Usually, I wake up when my alarm goes off about 45 minutes later, around 8:00. And that’s usually when I drag myself out of bed.

Sometimes, though, I sleep until 8:30 if I’m really tired. A few times, I’ve stayed in bed until 9:15.

(gasp!)

I know, I know, it’s not like I’m doing something particularly wrong, but I feel guilty that he’s running around on less sleep than me. He is, after all, the one of us who likes to sleep in the most. I have trouble staying in bed past 10:00 (on a weekend, never on a weekday), but he could snooze until noon! Or after if I brought him lunch. Maybe even without the lunch. I swear, he could sleep through an entire day and not even care about missing his meals.

Needless to say, I know he hates getting up. Every morning it goes like this.

(Alarm goes off)

Hubs hits the snooze button.

(Alarm goes off ten minutes later.)

Hubs: Unnnggghhh. I don’t want to get up.

Me: I’m sorry, honey. You have to.

Silence.

Me: Or you can call in sick or go in late…

Hubs: Unnngghh. I can’t.

And then he rolls over and gets out of bed and into the shower.

Poor guy.

It’s like I’m sleep-cheating on him when I go back to bed after he leaves.

I work from home (part time), so it’s not like I feel completely worthless. I am contributing to our family finances after all, and I do a lot around the house, too. The guilt was worse when we were first married and I didn’t have as much to do.

But I still feel guilty.

And yet, I still do it. Almost every day.

I’m torn between sleep and a clear conscious.

And the crazy thing is, he knows I go back to bed. He may be jealous but he doesn’t care. He’s never purposely made me feel guilty. It comes from me, for sure.

(Much like the way I feel about him when he drinks coffee or sweet tea in front of me. I’m jealous, but I don’t want him to miss out just because I have to…)

But the problem is, I don’t know what to do. Should I keep stealing the extra sleep time? Should I force myself to get up and started on my day when he does? Am I crazy for thinking about this so much? Does anyone else struggle with this? Am I totally on my own here?

Help!

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Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Being in over my head…

It’s happened more this past year than ever in the previous twenty-one or twenty-two years…combined. At least, it feels like that.

Why?

Well, because until this past year, I guess my life was pretty safe, stable, and some might say…easy.

Ok. I said it.

I had an easy life.

Not that I was spoiled, but I was never in need of anything, or forced to do anything really scary or over my head.

Until I got married.

And moved to a big city.

Where I knew pretty much no one.

And for sure had no idea how to get around up here on my own.

All while trying to find a real job.

And then we decided to try to buy a house.

And finally ended up doing just that.

(insert mini celebration here)

But there are a lot of things that have been, and still are, overwhelming about all these exciting developments. In fact, sometimes I find myself feeling so overwhelmed that I don’t even know what’s overwhelming me…just that I’m in need of some sort of organization and solution to…well everything.

And in times like that, I make lists. Usually in my head, sometimes written down. So here goes:

1. We know pretty much nothing about fixing up a house. It’s frightening when both of us have no real opinion on a matter and yet have to make some sort of major decision anyway.

2. There’s a million and one paint colors out there, for each brand of paint. How will I ever choose which ones to buy and put on our walls?

3. We have very little furniture to fill all these new rooms.

4. We don’t have a big enough budget to buy furniture to fill all these new rooms…not even thrift store furniture. Yikes.

5. I still don’t have a REAL job.

6. Maybe my real job is being a freelancer. Maybe I should work on getting more jobs and more clients and try to really make this work…so many what ifs there.

7. WHY WON’T ANYONE HIRE ME????

8. How are we ever going to get packed up, loaded, and unloaded in this 110 degree heat?

9. Will I ever run again? Why am I too tired in the morning to get up to do this? Why is it too scary for a woman to run by herself at night? Stupid crime and stuff…

10. What will me not having a job mean when it comes time to start paying bills for the house?

11. What it Hubs has to start traveling more for work?

12. My kitchen is so messy. So small, and yet so messy.

13. My dining room is so messy. So totally and completely impossible to be used as a dining room right now.

14. My living room is so messy…you get the idea, right?

15. The new house is in a state of un-wallpapered walls, mostly-painted ceilings, messy floors, piles of tools and supplies, tarps, drop cloths and messes everywhere.

16. My car is still making a funny noise, and we can’t ever find time to take it anywhere to get looked at…

17. Hubs’ car is too hot to drive in this weather.

18. We REALLY don’t want to have to buy a new car right now…

19. We have nothing in our cabinets to make for dinner.

Phew.

Ok, I’m done now.

Thanks.

Now that I’m finished organizing my overwhelmed-ness (?), I can move on to solving some stuff, right?

Or I can just sit back on the couch and wait for Hubs to come home and help me.

Or I can start wondering why he’s almost 30 minutes late getting home from work.

Oops, there I go again.

Note: Please don’t mistake this post as complaining about my life with Hubs. I’m blessed and I know it. I’m just feeling scattered and overwhelmed with all the stuff going on right now in my head. This was just my way of admitting to the world how un-put-together my life is…as I know that sometimes blogging about good stuff, conflict resolution, and happy times can make it seem like I have it all figured out…when in fact, I most certainly do not.

🙂

What about you, friends? What’s overwhelming you? What in your life is totally and completely unorganized right now? What messes are you cleaning up or trying to figure out how to hide if company suddenly comes over?

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Clutter, clutter everywhere… a housewife confession

Ok, so it’s no episode of hoarders over here, but it is pretty messy.

The dining room table is covered with clutter.

The coffee table is covered with clutter.

The love seat has clutter, the floor has clutter, the bathroom counter and bedroom floor have clutter.

It’s enough to make me real grumpy and a lot overwhelmed.

I really dislike having all this stuff sitting around making the house look messy. It makes my mind feel messy.

But when I get home from work and have other work to do, the stuff around here kind of piles up.

True, we work on it when we can, and when we feel like it, and we almost always have the kitchen nicely clean, but I can’t help but feel like I can’t really focus on the tasks I have to do when I’m thinking about how messy the house is. I hate having to clean up before I have space to start a project.

Maybe this is something I’ll get used to as we get more settled into marriage. I’m sure we’ll get grooves and rhythms and patterns of how we use our home and how we manage the everyday messes that occur. I certainly managed to function all through high school and college at my parents’ house when the floor in my room would get completely covered with clothes, books, and who knows what all else.

It’s not that I’m naturally one of those people that cleans all the time or has to put things away as soon as I use them.

I’m not like that at all. My mom will certainly vouch for that!

I’m in a hurry. I’m busy. I have things to do and people to see. I have jobs 1, 2, and 3 to balance.

But I also really hate to be surrounded by clutter. That’s why I keep my bookshelves as free from knick-knacks as possible and hesitate to set things on my counters. I like things neat.

I feel more at peace when I’m surrounded by a space that’s organized…

…even though I seldom take the time to organize as I go…

so I end up with a big pile of organizing to do all at once.

And then I get huffy and salty.

And Hubs gets annoyed that I’m huffy for no real reason.

After all, the house was messy yesterday, why am I suddenly freaking out over it?

It’s an endless cycle.

I have a feeling this is something that won’t go away unless we work on it. Life won’t slow down enough for us to always have a perfect house, and that’s fine. It’s perfectly fine. I don’t need a clean house all the time. I want our home to look loved and used and lived in. I just don’t want to have to move a giant pile of mail and half-folded-laundry every time I want to use the table for something.

Ideas?

Solutions?

I had an idea last night that Hubs and I should try to focus on cleaning at least one little area of the house each night before we go to bed. The table, the coffee table, the bathroom counter, the sides of the bed where we both end up with a pile of worn laundry….you get the idea.

That way, we’ll go to bed feeling like we accomplished something specific and tangible, and things won’t get so overwhelming for me to freak out over and get huffy and stomp around cleaning while Hubs sits on the couch looking at me with a confused look on my face.

See what I mean?

What about you? What keeps your house from getting clutter-crazy? How do you handle it when it feels overwhelmingly messy? Is this something that affects your marriage at all? Does it cause fights? I’d love some tips and tricks!

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Confessions of a Bad Housewife…or rather, a happy one

I try to be pretty positive overall, but sometimes, I just need to get my complaints out in the open so I can move on.

So, in order to satisfy both my need to whine a little and my desire to be happy and joyful in all circumstances, I’m going to list pairs of both bad AND good stuff for you guys this Monday morning. We’ll consider it an exercise in finding the silver lining of any situation.

1. I do so much laundry! I’m unsure how a household of only two people can make this much dirty laundry! What will it be like when we have kids? It’s a good thing we (and by that I mean, “I”) have so many clothes because it means I don’t have to wash everything as often. Wyatt runs out of stuff so fast I have to keep washing and washing and washing…

That's a mountain of laundry for me to fold. Good grief!

The good part of this complaint? Well, I actually like to do laundry. I mean, I wouldn’t pick that over fun stuff like playing games or date nights or sleeping in, but as far as household chores go, it’s not a bad deal. I like things that show immediate progress, and I like how fast I can empty our hamper with just a few loads. Folding is the worst part because I don’t like turning clothes right-side out. I’m working on having Wyatt turn his before they go in the hamper, but even I sometimes don’t mess with turning sweaty workout clothes right side out. Anyway, I also like laundry because it smells nice (when it’s done) and it’s warm. I wish I could curl up in laundry fresh from the dryer and take a nap.

2. Cleaning the kitchen is a never-ending job. I don’t know how it gets so messy so fast.

Actually, I do. It’s because I cook a lot and our kitchen is tiny. And yes, we have a dishwasher, which is great, but it doesn’t really work that well. We end up having to pre-wash everything anyway, and still not everything comes clean, especially silverware…and plates…and cups.

Yes, apparently today I am baring all to show you my messy kitchen.

But the good part of a messy kitchen? It means we ate well, we have good food, and a place to cook. I love to cook and bake and cleaning the kitchen is sort of calming (when I’m not in a hurry to make the next meal or wash a dish so I can keep working on whatever meal I’m currently fixing) and I actually don’t mind washing dishes. I wish we had better scrubbing brushes (we are using cheap sponges that we wash all the time in our washing machine so they are starting to fall apart).

3. It’s too early (Wyatt says) to decorate our apartment for Christmas. And he’s right. But I’m impatient. I wish I had money to go buy a lot of new beautiful things or even supplies to make things, but I think it’s more important that we save right now, especially with the holidays coming up.

But the blessing of this? I decorated for Thanksgiving. Sort of, as much as I can for relatively free.

Fruit in our cool bowl from the in-laws and pumpkins, free from my grandma's garden.

Not super creative, but I don’t have anything else, and these were free (except the apples…)

What I did spend my money on, decor-wise.

It’s a free design from eighteen25, a cool blog I found on Pinterest. Speaking of that? Do you follow me?

I just bought a cheap wood frame from Walmart for $4 and painted it white with leftover paint from our wedding DIY projects. And the candlestick? It was a prop for my Miss Scarlet costume that Hubs spray painted white for me.

And the bird? He’s our (my) love bird. I found him at a local garage sale one day when I was running in the neighborhood by our apartment. He’s exactly what I wanted. I know he isn’t fall-themed, but I still like him and didn’t want to remove him from his roost.

4. Wyatt forgot his lunch. Again.

Dangit.

Not only do I feel bad for not noticing until after he left, but it means he has to buy his lunch today when we have this perfectly good one here at home.

But the hidden silver lining? I will have this one ready tomorrow morning already. And he doesn’t mind buying lunch, he actually likes that better I think.

5. I had to put the spider traps back down today since I forgot to have Wyatt do it. Touching those things gives me the creeps? Why? Because they both have like 5 dead poisonous spiders in them!

There's 5 or so dead spiders "living" under our hamper...but don't worry, when we have guests, we hide them away.

But the good part is that I haven’t seen any new spiders in there or anywhere for months. Though I did kill a wasp in our bathtub the other day. Ick.

6. This is my coffee table at it’s current state.

See that stack of bills and other mail to take care of? Oh joy.

But that’s okay, because my Husband is off at work today to earn the money to pay those bills, and you know what? I opened my first check from freelancing today. So, yes, I am blessed today to pay these bills, because for the first time in a long time, I have income.

(“But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19)

And while we’re talking money, you know what else? I fed Mr. Giraffe E. Pig seventeen cents a couple of days ago. And a twenty-five cents the day after that.

 

This is Mr. Giraffe E. Pig. I like to feed him pennies, but he prefers quarters, of course.

Saving cents is one of my favorite pastimes.

So there’s my list for the day. I’m feeling better all ready. Because yes, I got out my Monday morning grumps, but I also took the time to look past the problems and see some good stuff, because let’s face it, there’s always more good stuff if you choose to find it, right?

And what’s even better? As I was sitting at home this morning, I realized what a blessing it is that I can stay here and take care of our home. I have the blessing of not doing laundry on the weekends if I don’t want to, because I can do it on Monday. And I don’t have to do dishes on Sunday nights if I don’t want to, because they’ll be there in the morning and I’d rather spend Sunday nights on the couch cuddling with my Hubs.

Yes, it’s been hard to figure out how to redefine my place in the world with no job, but I’m getting there, and every day brings new possibilities, whether it’s volunteer work, or a freelancing job. And I’m trusting in the sovereignty of the Master’s plan.

What about you? What are you seeing the silver lining in today? Any housekeeping confessions you’d like to share to make me feel better about my mess this morning?

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

I have a confession…

A guy in a truck honked at me when I was running today.

And you know what?

I smiled.

I couldn’t help it.

I also felt a little proud when our super active Australian neighbor guy checked me out after my run in my stretchy running pants on Monday.

Is this wrong?

Should I be insulted?

Should I feel guilty?

I’m just not sure. But I don’t think so.

Let’s face it, nothing at all happened, had the potential to happen, much less the desire for it to happen, but still, is this the sort of thing to cause an argument with my hubby?

He knows what I look like after a run, so I doubt he’d be concerned anyone would be overly serious about hitting on me, and he’s not really the jealous type, but still, I’m always overly aware of my wedding ring at times like this.

No matter how far away the guy honking is, I always wonder, “Does he know I’m married? Does he see my ring? Never mind that he drove by, staring out the window at me, at sixty miles an hour, and I was running a good twenty or thirty feet off the highway on a side road’s sidewalk, and thus, there was no possible way he saw my hand, much less my ring. And besides, it isn’t like the guy in the truck is really actively pursuing me.

So here’s my question, if I’m not at all attracted or interested in the random honking man in the garbage truck, does it mean that I need to “confess” that the “interaction” took place?

And yes, this may be a silly example, but it’s something I’ve thought a lot about as I’ve watched different married couples interact with others. I mean, I can honestly say I don’t feel at all guilty or concerned about this instance, but I am certainly passionate about my beliefs about what is appropriate in marriage.

For instance, I don’t think wives should be flaunting their bodies to other men, in ANY way. That means modest bathing suits at the pool when Hubs isn’t there, no low cut shirts to the office, and a decent length on all skirts or shorts when you’re out running errands. It’s just out of respect to your husband. If you don’t want him looking at other women, you shouldn’t dress in a way that encourages other men to look at you!

And it goes for men, too, though I doubt most married men own a lot of “provocative” clothing. But it applies in other instances. I know I may be in the minority with this, but I just don’t find it appropriate for someone who’s married to hang out with someone else of the opposite sex one-on-one. (Of course there are special circumstances, but overall, it’s how I see it.)

So, yea, I wore my tight running pants in public, and yes, technically, I got “hit on,” a little bit, and yes, it made me feel strong, sexy, and powerful. And no, I don’t feel guilty about it, because after all that, I rushed inside and made sure I knew where my pepper spray was and my blinds were closed as I got unbundled up and into the shower.

What else is a wife to do when she’s hit on like this? I mean it’s not like I can rip out my ear buds and yell “I’m married!” to any guys that give me a double take while I’m running. I mean, I could, but the neighborhood watch might call the cops on me. Yikes.

I guess I’ll just keep smiling in spite of it all when I get hit on by the garbage man. Wouldn’t you?

 

Categories: Adventures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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