Posts Tagged With: Grumpy

No more tears…

No this isn’t a commercial for some sort of extra gentle baby shampoo, but yes, I am talking about tears, the things that fall from our eyes when we are hurt or upset, not to be confused with tears, or rips in paper or clothing.

The English language is confusing.

Sheesh.

But I did spend my entire college career studying it…well, that and a bunch of other stuff considering I went to a private liberal arts college.

Anyway, back to my original topic…tears.

I’ve been crying a lot less than I did the first year of our marriage.

This is just a happy picture to show you I was really, in fact, happy during our first year of marriage, even though I did cry a lot. Think of the crying as small intermissions between all the happiness, ok?

Not that the first year of our marriage was sad or unhappy. Quite the contrary. I was super happy to be married to my best friend…but I also cried a lot.

Why?

Well, I’m not sure, but I’m willing to venture some guesses.

(Check out the links to see some earlier blog posts that help explain all these little ramblings!)

1. I didn’t have a job.

This was a big one for me. I’ve never really struggled with anything as much as I struggled to find a job. We didn’t need the money, but it would have been nice while trying to maintain a budget and save as much as possible for a down payment. And it certainly hurt my pride, confidence and general self-esteem to feel like a failure for so long. I went through so many stages of dealing with it: determination, hope, peace, anger, embarrassment, hope, frustration, peace, anxiety, hope, fear, anger,  disappointment…you get the idea. And though I learned a lot about gratitude and humility and trust, it was a struggle the entire time. And even though this self-employed freelance writing thing is still hard, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to do something I love and that will contribute to our finances, even just at a part-time level.

2. I was worried about finding and affording a house we loved.

We all know that worked out well for us, and that we now have the biggest project we’ve ever taken on together as a fabulous home, but for awhile, it was hard to imagine leaving our little apartment, hard to wrap my head around how much this all would cost, hard to decide where we wanted to put down real roots and raise our kiddos, hard to figure out just how much house we needed and how much project we could take on…but finding our home was a journey, that’s for sure.

3. I was hormonal.

Let’s face it, this is still true. But maybe being on the pill for over 1 1/2 years now has finally allowed my body to calm down and stop freaking out over every tiny little change in the hormone levels.

4. I was tired.

Remember our sleeping adventures, like Hubs’ sleep talking, and figuring out our sides of the bed, and our different sleep schedules? I didn’t sleep so well for the first few months of our marriage, or the first several months. I still have nights where it’s a struggle, like last night, when I was woken up by snores and then I laid there for fifteen minutes, half-asleep and nearly incoherent, before realizing it was coming from the sleeping Hubs beside me and yes, I could in fact, wake him up and tell him to roll over. After which he got a little grumpy because I was pretty persistent after not believing his half-asleep, “okay,” with no signs of movement. Anyway, when I’m tired, I get salty, and when I’m salty, I tend to cry easily. I’m sleeping better these days, for the most part, or maybe adjusting to living on less shut-eye.

5. I was homesick.

Again, I was thrilled to be married. And I loved it for that first year of newlywed-ness…but I also missed my family. And I felt a little alienated from them because there just wasn’t much opportunity for visiting (my mom doesn’t drive in the city…at all). Moving to our new house in this new neighborhood is perfect. We’re closer. Our parents can (and do!) visit more often. And the biggest part of this? This house is now HOME. Our apartment was home, too, but never in the way I feel about our house.

And that my friends is why the last few months have held far less salty, wet kisses as Hubs attempts to cheer me up, less red, swollen eyes, and much more giggles, laughs and smiles.

Not that I wasn’t giddy and happy during our first year of marriage, but settling into this married life sure feels good.

 

What about you? What was hard for you in your early married years? Do you cry a lot? Did you used to cry a lot? How did you get over it? How did your Hubs help with drying the tears? 

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

What do you want for dinner?

Last week was a busy one.

With trying to pack up our apartment and paint our new house, we’re running out of all the essentials for weeknight dinners.

As in our fridge has ketchup, fresh zucchini, and water inside it. That’s it.

Yikes.

(Ok, there’s more than that in there, but still, it’s pretty empty. So is the pantry.)

On Thursday, I had no idea what to make for dinner. I was tired and hungry and kind of cranky. Plus, we needed to go to the store to get supplies for some house projects. Hubs got home, late because he’d had a work thing, and I asked him what he wanted for dinner. He didn’t know.

He could tell I was worn out from working all day (I had a busy week freelancing last week) and wasn’t feeling very inspired for coming up with something for dinner.

So he, like the fabulous husband he is, went to the kitchen and started opening cabinets, looking for something to make.

“What do you want for dinner, honey? I’ll make it,” he said.

But he didn’t find much in there to work with either.

And pretty quickly decided…”Let’s grab a bite to eat out somewhere before heading to the store.”

I jumped on that suggestion and out we went.

Now, normally, we don’t eat out…like ever. Especially on a weeknight.

And  normally, I’m fine with that because we’re trying to save as much money as possible, and that doesn’t leave a lot of room for overpriced restaurant food. Plus, I really do enjoy making dinner for the two of us.

But sitting down and ordering an appetizer (free with a coupon) and an entree to share, where someone cooked and brought me my food and then cleaned up after me when I was finished was exactly what I needed to refuel in the middle of an exhausting week.

I thankful for how Hubs saw that I needed help to get out of my funk, and how he’d taken such a simple approach to solving the problem. He’s so quick to offer his services for the benefit of others–myself or someone else, and I love that about him.

I’m thankful I was able to see past the normal boundary of eating out of a weekday to know that this would improve my mood considerably. I’m thankful we live so close to some restaurants that are ready to feed hungry, cranky wives who can get stir crazy after being inside all day while they work from home. I’m thankful for a husband who senses when I need to get out of the house.

And honestly, with our coupon and because we shared everything, it really only ended up being like $15 dollars or something…which fit pretty well into our budget after all.

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How a broken radiator taught me to trust my husband more

Last week, my car overheated on the way to get the water switched over to our name at our new house. I told you guys all about it, so of course, because you are such loyal and awesome readers, that you remember ever tiny little detail about it. In case your mind is a little fuzzy on the details, or you missed it because you were vacationing somewhere fabulous and fancy, or just because the post was so awesome you want to go back and read it again, here it is.

A few days after all that took place, Hubs and I were driving around in my car because his car doesn’t have air conditioning and it’s 150-million degrees in Kansas City lately (No? Fine, but it’s hot!), it started to get a little hot again.

Why do we get so upset that our cars can’t keep cool in this heat. WE can’t keep cool in this heat!

When we got home, he checked the water levels and they were low again. That means I had a leak. Uh oh.

But he saw a tiny little line that looked like a crack on the radiator and so set to work finding out where to buy one and thinking about getting it replaced right away.

He tracked down the best deal for the fix: buying the radiator from an auto-store and putting it in himself, and set out to get started.

I balked.

Just a little, but it was enough to make him mad.

I wanted to KNOW that spending the money (unbudgeted, mind you, though we do have an emergency fund)  would fix the problem. We just bought a house. I don’t have a full time job. This is not the time to spend money we don’t have to. I needed some assurance that this money and effort (it seemed like an awful lot of work to put that radiator in ourselves!) would not all be for nothing when we found my car was still loosing water somewhere…

Hubs was angry.

He thought this meant I was arguing with him, doubting his wisdom on fixing the car, blocking him from trying to take action to fix a problem for me, for us, as soon as possible.

I didn’t mean to convey all that with my questions, but I guess I did. He didn’t mean to blow up and get so huffy so fast when all I was looking for was some additional reassurance, but it certainly resulted in a negative reaction from both of us as he stormed down the steps to go find some “proof” this “crack” was the culprit.

Oops. Good thing we forgive easily.

So after a few minutes of huffing and sulking and being salty with each other, we set to work. He filled up the radiator with water and squeezed some big hose for a few minutes until, yup, little water bubbles started foaming out of the tiny little line that did, in fact, turn out to be fairly significant crack in a super important part of the car, especially when it’s 100+ degrees outside.

So we bought the radiator and parked under a shade tree in our apartment’s parking lot. And then we worked all evening, about three hours or so, until we got it changed.

I’m allowed to honestly say “we” there because I helped, really.

I promise I did. You can ask him.

I held the light. I struggled to hold back hoses and stuff that were in his way. I even helped put in some little pin thing that holds the hose in place. I found and picked up stuff he dropped down into the mess of parts and stuff that make up the tangled, confusing mess under the hood of the car whenever the little pins were so small and springy that he could barely hold onto them while having to fight to work in the tiny space between the fan and the radiator to get things all hooked back up properly. I took out and put back in the air filter so he’d have about an inch more room to work….you get the idea.

And pretty soon this happened:

Hubs putting in the last bolt. We’re finally done!

We had successfully taken this out:

Yuck.

And put this in its place:

So shiny and new!

Time to relax and celebrate!

But it was after 9:00 and we hadn’t had dinner, we both needed a shower and we were hot and tired.

So we scrubbed the oil and grease and dirt and stuff off our hands and arms, warmed up some leftovers, and collapsed on our couch for the rest of the night. And by rest of the night, I mean about an hour before we dragged ourselves off to bed.

But in this crazy mess of an afternoon that was supposed to be relaxing (we’d scheduled some QT involving yummy food and FRIENDS on the couch that night), I learned an awesome lesson.

This man that I married never ceases to amaze me or give me more and more reasons to love and respect him. He knows so much about so much and is willing to work hard to do whatever he needs to provide for us. He’s smart and strong and sensible. He’s loving and patient and kind to me when I don’t deserve it.  He’s more than I ever imagined he could be when we danced that first dance together in the gym…when I was 15.

I’m nearly 23 now and you know what? I’m more than I ever imagined I could be, too. Funny how life does that to us, huh?

And I’m grateful to love a man I can trust with my heart, my life, my future babies…and my car.

So very thankful for these hands. And this man.

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Was there an earthquake? And other lessons…

I learned two lessons tonight. One of them may change my marriage for the better if I’m able to really let it sink in.

1. Things will break.

Yes, it was a sad night in our kitchen tonight.

One of the beer glasses I got for Wyatt for Christmas this year broke in the dishwasher and Hubs discovered it as he was unloading it tonight while I was making dinner.

I was devastated because it was the first item we’d really broken since being married. (We lasted almost a year with no broken glass…wow! Anyone who knows us knows that’s an accomplishment, being as we are both super clumsy.) We’ve been so careful with all of our new, nice things because we aren’t in a place financially to just run out and replace everything and anything all the time. We try to take the best care of our things as we can. And these glasses were special because they were a gift from me to him on our first Christmas together…

And now we only have 3 of them.

I didn’t cry. But I wanted to a little bit.

Hubs was quick to say it was fine and that it wasn’t a big deal. I toughened up and agreed.

Until I opened the fridge and saw this.

Seriously, What happened?!?

That’s a HUGE crack in our everyday pitcher that we love. And it happened while it was just sitting in the fridge. When I saw it and cried out in disbelief, Hubs was quick to come see what was the matter. He was shocked to see the ruined pitcher, and asked if there’d been an earthquake or something.

Why was all this stuff breaking now?

On a day when I’d been feeling salty and grumpy and discouraged and sad about needing a full time job and wanting to contribute more to our finances to help us be more secure as we buy this house and have more bills to deal with each month.

On a night we’d already bickered a few times, mostly because I was upset and struggling to not take out my frustration on Hubs.

Broken…so broken.

But as I whined and complained and sulked over the broken pieces, Hubs so wisely pointed out that “Honey, things break.”

Which brings me to lesson two.

2. Just because things break or feel like they are breaking, doesn’t mean our marriage is broken.

We’re going to have hard times. We’re going to struggle with worries about finances and major decisions. It’s part of life. Me not having a “real” job right now can’t affect us to the point that we’re living in fear of the unknown. The truth is that we are getting by just fine and we are so excited to be able to buy this house that we love. We’re not in over our heads and if we keep saving and being frugal and sticking to our budget, we won’t get that way. We’ll be fine.

Better than fine.

I can’t let my career situation define me in a negative way right now. I am doing what I can and we are moving forward every day. My lack of a job, no matter what it feels like some days, doesn’t mean I’m broken.

And it certainly doesn’t mean we’re broken.

And unlike these glasses, we’re going to be fine.

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The 10 Best Things About Being a Newlywed

I’ve had some time to think about marriage recently, and I’ve compiled a list that I thought was important enough to share with all of you. Ready? Let’s go.

(Note: This list is not at all intended to be taken totally seriously, unless of course, you are a newlywed, or can remember being one, and thus, you can remember the complicated sense of annoyed-joy that goes along with many of these “bests.”)

(Another note. If written sarcasm gives you trouble, and it does for a lot of us, then here’s a hint: most of this is written with the sarcastic undertones of a writer who has had an incredibly frustrating day, and yet is trying desperately to cling to the optimistic, happy bursts of energy that get me through each day.)

1. It’s awesome how poor newlyweds are! I love that the most extravagant splurge we make each week is deciding which low-to-moderately-priced restaurant we want to eat at for the one meal each week that we budget not eating at home for. This makes it incredibly easy to explore all the coolest and hippest places in this great big city that we call home.

2. Hand-me-down furniture matches so well! Luckily, my style is pretty eclectic so I actually like a lot of the pieces we’re slowly starting to collect. However, Hubs isn’t so lucky. He typically likes things more sleek and modern. Not something that’s easy to find at thrift shops, garage sales, and in our parents’ basements.

3. Sharing a bathroom for the first time with a member of the opposite sex isn’t at all awkward! We live in a one bedroom apartment with one bathroom. There’s not a lot of sound-proofing, or smell-proofing, that goes along with a situation like that. Oh, and there’s long hairs on nearly every surface in there, no matter how often I try to clean them up. I’m sure Hubs is wondering how there’s still any hair left on my head after I’ve shed all over everything for the past year.

4. Sleeping in the same bed with someone for the first time after 20+ years of not sharing the covers is such an easy adjustment to make! You guys that have been married for a bunch of years don’t fight over the sheets, talk in your sleep, kick each other in the shins, accidentally put an elbow in someone’s ear or eye in the middle of the night, or blow morning breath in each others’ faces often enough. You should try doing all those things again. It will really help rekindle the romance in your lives, I’m sure of it. It also helps you be super sweet to each other when a fight breaks out after a bad night’s sleep.

5. People expect us to start having kids any day now, which is awesome. I love dreaming about the future, but I also like sleeping through the night and not spending hundreds of dollars on diapers every month. See numbers 1 and 4 if you need clarification on those two things again.

6. We get to experience a whole bunch of new things all the time that make us grumpy. When you’ve only lived together a short time, it’s easy to always find new ways to annoy each other. We’re learning how to avoid these things, but there are bound to be plenty of more new fights before we’ve “had them all.”

7. It’s acceptable to be lovely-dovey in public. Nothing says “I love you,” like a bold pat on the tushie or a big kiss while waiting in line at the grocery store.

8. Almost all of our photos are professionally taken, so they look great. We don’t have any kids so almost all of our photo frames are full of pictures of us. Most of those were taken on our wedding day. They are beautiful, but I wonder how long it’s acceptable to only display photos of our wedding in our home.

9. Almost all recipes require a special trip to the store because we don’t have a built-up pantry. I love finding awesome recipes I want to make that night and then realizing we don’t have like half of the ingredients!

10. None of these other things really matter that much because marriage is a journey that I’m happy to be on with my best friend. Yes, we fight, and yes we have some unfortunate moments. But, overall, I’d say that we’ve learned more than we ever planned to, and love each other more now than we did before. We’re patient, most of the time, and happy, almost all of the time, too, so there’s really nothing to complain about.

And about the other nine items on my list? We’ll get through them. But if you have advice, we’d love to hear it!

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Burn, baby burn…

This weekend, we had a great time relaxing with family and friends. We also enjoyed soaking up some Vitamin D…but…we may have soaked up a little too much.

We’re both burnt.

Yuck.

And ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Did I say Ouch already?

Hubs says his armpits are the worst, since we laid on our backs with our arms out above our heads. My chest is the worst. You know that spot in the middle that rubs when you’re wearing a bra?

(Sorry to any male readers, but all the ladies out there who’ve ever had a little too much sun while wearing a bikini know exactly what I’m talking about.)

And now we’re both a little grumpy and salty.

He’s in pain. I get it. But I am, too. We’re both alternating back and forth between being doting and being annoyed at each other.

Still, it was a great weekend.

So, what about you? What was your worst burn? How do you get over it faster? How do you cope with a whiny spouse, whether it’s you or your hubs? Or the missus?

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

“V”ictories..even small ones

Remember my post yesterday about our big fight before bed on Monday?

Well, last night, we celebrated our victory in overcoming that fight, continuing to learn and love and forgive each other when we fail at communicating with care, and for simply the sake of celebrating.

So, we made cupcakes.

And we enjoyed them.

Yum. Yum. Yum.

Yum. I'll celebrate love with my love, any day!

We know that we’re going to have bad days when we just get on each other’s nerves. We also have days when we are overcome by the awesome amount of love we have for each other.

You want to know something crazy? Some days, both of those things happen.

That’s something surprisingly wonderful I’ve learned in our nearly ten months of marriage.

And I’d say that’s worth celebrating.

Life’s about the little things, after all, right?

What about you? What do you celebrate and why? Better yet, how do you celebrate?

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

“I”ntentional

Hubs and I don’t like to fight.

We don’t thrive on the drama.

We don’t enjoy feeling angry or upset.

But that doesn’t mean we’re always intentional like we should be.

Let me put it this way:

just because we aren’t intentional about picking fights with one another doesn’t mean we don’t have to be  intentional about trying to avoid it prevent them.

Here’s an example.

Last night was a grumpy one for me. I’m feeling a little sick and trying to fight it off but I was tired and feeling a little overwhelmed by some big decisions in our life right now.

So I reacted poorly when Hubs sat on the couch playing on his computer while I put away three loads worth of laundry.

I didn’t mean to get angry…but that felt justified so I didn’t stop it. Then I said something negative, got huffy, and went to bed.

He reacted negatively to this, defending his actions by citing times he feels I ignore him when I’m on my computer.

And then we were fighting…right before bed…which is the worst time to fight.

If we had been more intentional about the incident, the fight could have been avoided.

I could have asked for help with the laundry instead of silently allowing myself to get more and more upset…when I knew he had no idea I was angry.

He could have called me on my negativity when I snapped at him instead of casually throwing out incidents in our conversion that felt like attacks to me in my already agitated mindset.

We’re still learning, but we’ll try to work on this more.

There are other aspects where being intentional is important too but this is enough for one night.

What about you? What things are you intentional about? What should you be more intentional about?

Categories: Everyday Life, Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

So much for my bad day…

I had planned all day to write a post about how awful my day was. The commute was terrible (both to work and home), I had issues with a source, I was locked out of my computer at work because the password expired, I lost some work I’d been doing on a project for Liz’s upcoming party…

But I saw this on my way home from work.

Tulips! Spring! Bright colors! Flowers swaying in the wind!

And how can anyone be unhappy when looking at that?

And then I ran almost 6 miles, and walked 1 with Hubs. And that felt great, too.

Then we made this for dinner.

Tuna patties with tomatoes and veggies. Healthy and delightful.

Yum.

Again, no complaints there.

And we went and played volleyball with friends for more than 2 hours. Which provided even more physical relief.

I mean, what’s better than pounding a volleyball over the net to relieve some frustration?

(Ok, maybe some things are better, but it’s pretty good!)

And I was hungry after all that running and volleyball, so Hubs made me scrambled eggs while I was showering.

Again, more and more reasons to be happy.

Even though I was all set out to be grumpy.

And now, I’m going to bed, later than I’d like (5:55 comes so early!), but much happier than I’d expected.

I’d say that’s a pretty good trade off.

 

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It’s getting hot in here…

Well, it’s been around 80 degrees the past several days. We live in a third floor apt and don’t want to give in and turn our air conditioner on yet.

(Are we cheap? Yup, but it is only March, people, and Wyatt’s stubborn. Very stubborn!)

So, we have the windows open…

…all both of them.

And the door to the patio.

Hubs says that’s one thing he’s most looking forward to about having a house.

Windows on opposite sides of the room so we can get a cross-breeze going.

I don’t blame him on that because it’s hot in here!

And when it gets hot in here, we get a little hot around the collar, if you know what I mean.

Grumpy.

That’s what I mean.

(In case anyone missed the obvious and completely shameless use of that tired cliche.)

We start to bicker more and pick at things that wouldn’t normally bother us.

We also tend to sit around wearing less clothes than would be acceptable to answer the door in, but that’s a post for another day.

Or not.

But seriously, other than the idea to use that hot air and energy for something less PG-rated, we’re a little out of ideas for how to keep from getting so annoyed at each other.

 

***On a positive note, we saved 14.4% on our weekly grocery bill this month by using coupons and price matching. We may be nerds, but we’re nerds that have saved $71.66 on groceries since January. Here’s to following through on our resolutions!

What do you think? How can we keep it cool? And keep our cool?

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments