Posts Tagged With: Pouting

No more tears…

No this isn’t a commercial for some sort of extra gentle baby shampoo, but yes, I am talking about tears, the things that fall from our eyes when we are hurt or upset, not to be confused with tears, or rips in paper or clothing.

The English language is confusing.

Sheesh.

But I did spend my entire college career studying it…well, that and a bunch of other stuff considering I went to a private liberal arts college.

Anyway, back to my original topic…tears.

I’ve been crying a lot less than I did the first year of our marriage.

This is just a happy picture to show you I was really, in fact, happy during our first year of marriage, even though I did cry a lot. Think of the crying as small intermissions between all the happiness, ok?

Not that the first year of our marriage was sad or unhappy. Quite the contrary. I was super happy to be married to my best friend…but I also cried a lot.

Why?

Well, I’m not sure, but I’m willing to venture some guesses.

(Check out the links to see some earlier blog posts that help explain all these little ramblings!)

1. I didn’t have a job.

This was a big one for me. I’ve never really struggled with anything as much as I struggled to find a job. We didn’t need the money, but it would have been nice while trying to maintain a budget and save as much as possible for a down payment. And it certainly hurt my pride, confidence and general self-esteem to feel like a failure for so long. I went through so many stages of dealing with it: determination, hope, peace, anger, embarrassment, hope, frustration, peace, anxiety, hope, fear, anger,  disappointment…you get the idea. And though I learned a lot about gratitude and humility and trust, it was a struggle the entire time. And even though this self-employed freelance writing thing is still hard, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to do something I love and that will contribute to our finances, even just at a part-time level.

2. I was worried about finding and affording a house we loved.

We all know that worked out well for us, and that we now have the biggest project we’ve ever taken on together as a fabulous home, but for awhile, it was hard to imagine leaving our little apartment, hard to wrap my head around how much this all would cost, hard to decide where we wanted to put down real roots and raise our kiddos, hard to figure out just how much house we needed and how much project we could take on…but finding our home was a journey, that’s for sure.

3. I was hormonal.

Let’s face it, this is still true. But maybe being on the pill for over 1 1/2 years now has finally allowed my body to calm down and stop freaking out over every tiny little change in the hormone levels.

4. I was tired.

Remember our sleeping adventures, like Hubs’ sleep talking, and figuring out our sides of the bed, and our different sleep schedules? I didn’t sleep so well for the first few months of our marriage, or the first several months. I still have nights where it’s a struggle, like last night, when I was woken up by snores and then I laid there for fifteen minutes, half-asleep and nearly incoherent, before realizing it was coming from the sleeping Hubs beside me and yes, I could in fact, wake him up and tell him to roll over. After which he got a little grumpy because I was pretty persistent after not believing his half-asleep, “okay,” with no signs of movement. Anyway, when I’m tired, I get salty, and when I’m salty, I tend to cry easily. I’m sleeping better these days, for the most part, or maybe adjusting to living on less shut-eye.

5. I was homesick.

Again, I was thrilled to be married. And I loved it for that first year of newlywed-ness…but I also missed my family. And I felt a little alienated from them because there just wasn’t much opportunity for visiting (my mom doesn’t drive in the city…at all). Moving to our new house in this new neighborhood is perfect. We’re closer. Our parents can (and do!) visit more often. And the biggest part of this? This house is now HOME. Our apartment was home, too, but never in the way I feel about our house.

And that my friends is why the last few months have held far less salty, wet kisses as Hubs attempts to cheer me up, less red, swollen eyes, and much more giggles, laughs and smiles.

Not that I wasn’t giddy and happy during our first year of marriage, but settling into this married life sure feels good.

 

What about you? What was hard for you in your early married years? Do you cry a lot? Did you used to cry a lot? How did you get over it? How did your Hubs help with drying the tears? 

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Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

How a broken radiator taught me to trust my husband more

Last week, my car overheated on the way to get the water switched over to our name at our new house. I told you guys all about it, so of course, because you are such loyal and awesome readers, that you remember ever tiny little detail about it. In case your mind is a little fuzzy on the details, or you missed it because you were vacationing somewhere fabulous and fancy, or just because the post was so awesome you want to go back and read it again, here it is.

A few days after all that took place, Hubs and I were driving around in my car because his car doesn’t have air conditioning and it’s 150-million degrees in Kansas City lately (No? Fine, but it’s hot!), it started to get a little hot again.

Why do we get so upset that our cars can’t keep cool in this heat. WE can’t keep cool in this heat!

When we got home, he checked the water levels and they were low again. That means I had a leak. Uh oh.

But he saw a tiny little line that looked like a crack on the radiator and so set to work finding out where to buy one and thinking about getting it replaced right away.

He tracked down the best deal for the fix: buying the radiator from an auto-store and putting it in himself, and set out to get started.

I balked.

Just a little, but it was enough to make him mad.

I wanted to KNOW that spending the money (unbudgeted, mind you, though we do have an emergency fund)  would fix the problem. We just bought a house. I don’t have a full time job. This is not the time to spend money we don’t have to. I needed some assurance that this money and effort (it seemed like an awful lot of work to put that radiator in ourselves!) would not all be for nothing when we found my car was still loosing water somewhere…

Hubs was angry.

He thought this meant I was arguing with him, doubting his wisdom on fixing the car, blocking him from trying to take action to fix a problem for me, for us, as soon as possible.

I didn’t mean to convey all that with my questions, but I guess I did. He didn’t mean to blow up and get so huffy so fast when all I was looking for was some additional reassurance, but it certainly resulted in a negative reaction from both of us as he stormed down the steps to go find some “proof” this “crack” was the culprit.

Oops. Good thing we forgive easily.

So after a few minutes of huffing and sulking and being salty with each other, we set to work. He filled up the radiator with water and squeezed some big hose for a few minutes until, yup, little water bubbles started foaming out of the tiny little line that did, in fact, turn out to be fairly significant crack in a super important part of the car, especially when it’s 100+ degrees outside.

So we bought the radiator and parked under a shade tree in our apartment’s parking lot. And then we worked all evening, about three hours or so, until we got it changed.

I’m allowed to honestly say “we” there because I helped, really.

I promise I did. You can ask him.

I held the light. I struggled to hold back hoses and stuff that were in his way. I even helped put in some little pin thing that holds the hose in place. I found and picked up stuff he dropped down into the mess of parts and stuff that make up the tangled, confusing mess under the hood of the car whenever the little pins were so small and springy that he could barely hold onto them while having to fight to work in the tiny space between the fan and the radiator to get things all hooked back up properly. I took out and put back in the air filter so he’d have about an inch more room to work….you get the idea.

And pretty soon this happened:

Hubs putting in the last bolt. We’re finally done!

We had successfully taken this out:

Yuck.

And put this in its place:

So shiny and new!

Time to relax and celebrate!

But it was after 9:00 and we hadn’t had dinner, we both needed a shower and we were hot and tired.

So we scrubbed the oil and grease and dirt and stuff off our hands and arms, warmed up some leftovers, and collapsed on our couch for the rest of the night. And by rest of the night, I mean about an hour before we dragged ourselves off to bed.

But in this crazy mess of an afternoon that was supposed to be relaxing (we’d scheduled some QT involving yummy food and FRIENDS on the couch that night), I learned an awesome lesson.

This man that I married never ceases to amaze me or give me more and more reasons to love and respect him. He knows so much about so much and is willing to work hard to do whatever he needs to provide for us. He’s smart and strong and sensible. He’s loving and patient and kind to me when I don’t deserve it.  He’s more than I ever imagined he could be when we danced that first dance together in the gym…when I was 15.

I’m nearly 23 now and you know what? I’m more than I ever imagined I could be, too. Funny how life does that to us, huh?

And I’m grateful to love a man I can trust with my heart, my life, my future babies…and my car.

So very thankful for these hands. And this man.

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Burn, baby burn…

This weekend, we had a great time relaxing with family and friends. We also enjoyed soaking up some Vitamin D…but…we may have soaked up a little too much.

We’re both burnt.

Yuck.

And ouch.

Ouch.

Ouch.

Did I say Ouch already?

Hubs says his armpits are the worst, since we laid on our backs with our arms out above our heads. My chest is the worst. You know that spot in the middle that rubs when you’re wearing a bra?

(Sorry to any male readers, but all the ladies out there who’ve ever had a little too much sun while wearing a bikini know exactly what I’m talking about.)

And now we’re both a little grumpy and salty.

He’s in pain. I get it. But I am, too. We’re both alternating back and forth between being doting and being annoyed at each other.

Still, it was a great weekend.

So, what about you? What was your worst burn? How do you get over it faster? How do you cope with a whiny spouse, whether it’s you or your hubs? Or the missus?

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

So much for my bad day…

I had planned all day to write a post about how awful my day was. The commute was terrible (both to work and home), I had issues with a source, I was locked out of my computer at work because the password expired, I lost some work I’d been doing on a project for Liz’s upcoming party…

But I saw this on my way home from work.

Tulips! Spring! Bright colors! Flowers swaying in the wind!

And how can anyone be unhappy when looking at that?

And then I ran almost 6 miles, and walked 1 with Hubs. And that felt great, too.

Then we made this for dinner.

Tuna patties with tomatoes and veggies. Healthy and delightful.

Yum.

Again, no complaints there.

And we went and played volleyball with friends for more than 2 hours. Which provided even more physical relief.

I mean, what’s better than pounding a volleyball over the net to relieve some frustration?

(Ok, maybe some things are better, but it’s pretty good!)

And I was hungry after all that running and volleyball, so Hubs made me scrambled eggs while I was showering.

Again, more and more reasons to be happy.

Even though I was all set out to be grumpy.

And now, I’m going to bed, later than I’d like (5:55 comes so early!), but much happier than I’d expected.

I’d say that’s a pretty good trade off.

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Thanks, coach!

It’s warm outside again, which means soccer nights have started back up.

Tonight was the first game (and by game, I mean a pick-up game of whoever shows up) of the year and I was excited all day.

(Not so excited that I skipped my long run today. I did 7 miles!)

But when we got there, I got a little nervous. I’m such a newbie to soccer. I’ve only been playing for a few months, since we got married really, and I’m not very good.

Ok, I’m pretty bad.

But I could be worse.

And I’m getting better!

Slowly, but still…

I was afraid that all the improvements I made during the Fall would be long gone now.

I’d love to say that I’m always appreciative when Hubs has soccer tips and advice to share. That I always listen and try my hardest to do what he says. That I’m thankful he notices when I do something I could have done better…

But it’s not always like that.

Sometimes my pride gets in the way and I think he’s out of line to tell me something I could do better when I’ve only been playing for a few months and he’s played for years and years.

Sometimes my feelings get hurt because I want him to just notice that I tried to do something well, not notice why my intentions didn’t work and try to help me learn why.

Sometimes I’m just embarrassed.

But usually, most of the time, I’m truly thankful for his interest and advice.

It wasn’t an easy journey to this place though.

I’m a prideful being. I’ve had success in my life in many different areas and it’s hard for me to admit when I’m really terrible at something.

Plus, I’m competitive. I don’t like to be the worst at something. Especially when Hubs is so good!

It’s not that I think I will get better on my own, or that I don’t want to get better. It’s that I need to admit that I need help.

It’s hard to say we need help. And even though a spouse is someone especially close, it doesn’t make it any easier to accept our short-comings. In fact, I think it makes it harder. We never want to admit to being faulted, wrong, or needy to the one person who most inspires us to be better, stronger, and more appealing. At least that’s how it is for me.

know that he wants me to have a good time, and he knows I’ll have a better time if I’m having some good moments mixed in with all my not so good ones.

know that he has tips that will help me, and that if I listen to him, I’ll get better.

know that he doesn’t ever mean to upset me with anything he says.

And with practice, and a humble heart, I’ve learned to accept these truths, no matter how grumpy I get when I miss a ball or pass to the other team or fail in my attempt to “cradle it like an egg.”

So I’m thankful for his help.

Really, I am.

And I look forward to those few “Good ball, honey!” moments throughout the night.

Here’s to a summer of soccer!

What about you? What struggles do you have with being humble? How do you overcome it?

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

In my head at 6 a.m.

Mornings when I go to my internship, I get up at 6.

It’s pretty unfortunate.

I hear my alarm, hit snooze, and roll over.

I grunt and moan a little bit.

Hubs pushes and shoves on me, tries to get me to be quiet so he can go back to sleep.

It helps me get motivated to get up, but sours my mood a bit because I know he does it mostly to make me get up and be quiet so he can go back to sleep, not because he’s making sure I’m not late.

This morning he was a bit sweeter. He said, “The hot water will feel good. Go shower.”

Really?

Oh, thanks, Hubs.

So I got up.

And took a shower.

I felt a little better, but not really.

I always feel sick when I get up early in the morning.

(No, I’m not pregnant, I don’t know why…)

I got half-way dressed and dried my hair.

I think my blow dryer is starting to smell really hot.

(Yes, I know, but it’s smelling extra hot. As in it’s burning a little bit.)

I turn the tea kettle on and get my lunch packed. (Usually I get it mostly packed the night before. My mom taught me to do that back in high school, and before.)

I get the rest of the way dressed, do my make-up, and try to not make too much noise so I don’t wake Hubs up.

Still, I’m a bit selfish this early in the morning so sometimes I secretly hope he’ll wake up and suffer with me.

It’s not that I’m not a morning person, I’m just not a morning person when everyone else is still sleeping and it’s dark outside.

So I grunt and complain a little bit.

And then I pack up and leave.

Usually when I walk outside, I get a bit more bitter because of the cold.

Driving in the traffic also makes me not a real pleasant person in the mornings.

Sure enough though, there’s usually something that shakes my mood.

Sometimes it’s a song, sometimes it’s prayer of thankfulness. This morning it was a sunrise.

And if I hadn’t been driving on I-29, I would have taken a photo to share with you.

Just know that it was purple and orange and blue, with a little bit of yellow.

And it was awesome.

Maybe getting up early isn’t so bad after all.

Until tomorrow morning that is…

 

P.S. Hubs said he pushes me out of bed so I’ll get up. I believe him, but my saltiness in the morning affects my ability to comprehend his message.

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Searching for inspiration…

Lately, I haven’t been feeling all that inspired to write a blog post. (Sorry!)

I think it’s because I’ve been a bit bummed out the past two days. I’ll not get into all of it, but basically, the job search and some other random, silly things have been working on me.

So, I’ll just use this post to list some pros and cons of my day as a housewife today. Hopefully it’ll lead me somewhere that has a little more inspiration.

1. (Pro!) I woke up in the arms of the man I love today. Yes, I was waking up at 3 am because I had to get up and pee, but still, I think it counts.

2. (Con…) After leisurely enjoying some extra minutes while Hubs was getting ready for work, I had to quickly jolt out of bed this morning because he needed his phone charger to take to work and I had stashed it somewhere when we were packing up from our visit home this weekend. Rubbing my very dry, not-awake eyes in the morning while semi-frantically looking for two pieces of a phone charger wasn’t a great beginning to my day.

3. (Con…) Work today wasn’t too fun. We were a bit understaffed and the phone rang nonstop the entire time I was there. As in there were 2-3 people on hold waiting for me to answer their call for a significant portion of the day. Not too fun.

4. (Pro!) It was a beautiful day today so when I got home from work, I changed into my shorty shorts and pulled on my running shoes. And I did a pretty-slow, super-awesome 4.5 miles.

The run-tracker of my run today. I'm trying out using Endomondo to track my runs.

It was so so so needed. And yes, I’m still semi-out of shape, and yes, I’m semi-freaking out about the half marathon I signed up for in April, and yes I’m semi-sore afterwards. Oh, and I’m using “semi” “semi-too-much”

5. (Con…) I got some disappointing news concerning a job today.

6. (Pro!) I got some good news concerning a job today.

I’ll explain those two later.

7. (Pro!) I deposited some money into our saving account today! Down payment fund is one step closer! Woo!

8. (Pro!) I had time to cook a real dinner tonight. I made little cube steaks with breading. It didn’t turn out exactly like I wanted it to. In fact, I’d only rate it a six or so. But the rice and vegetables were good and I liked the meat okay. I’ll do it again someday soon and try something a little different.

9. (Con…) I’m still a bit bummed out in general. I’m not totally sure why, but I’m just feeling not myself. I’m hoping to shake this with some good quality time tonight, both with Hubs and a bottle of white wine, and  some quiet prayer and time in the Old Testament.

10. (Pro!) I had to end on a high note so I saved a good one for last. Hubs wrote me a haiku today! And in response, I wrote two back to him. It was fun, silly, and happy. Here’s one for you guys. Wanna accept a fun challenge? Write one back to me!

Writing a poem is

a great way to make me smile

Hubs knows me too well!

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

I’m feeling blue… Advice from you!

Categories: Advice | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I started to cry in the parking lot…

It all started with a math problem. A sixth grade math problem to be exact. We were helping to figure out a problem for my little cousin’s homework and Wyatt thought of a way to get the answer that I thought was too complicated to try to explain. He was upset because it seemed like I didn’t care that he’d taken the time to figure it out. I was upset because I was tired of dealing with it and didn’t want to have to explain all of that over the phone…

Pretty soon he snapped at me when I tried to explain why I had ignored his suggestion (2 mistakes right there!) and I was immediately so angry and upset that I started to cry in the parking lot. Then we drove to Walmart and I was trying to calm down enough that I didn’t have running eye make up all over the place. But that didn’t really work because I’m a terrible crier and I have trouble breathing once I’m trying to hold in my tears and then they usually just keep coming, no matter how much I want to shut them off. So I’m sure by this point, I had both a runny nose and running mascara. Yay.

But it’s amazing what a few short minutes of good conflict resolution will do for a situation. It’s really a simple concept. For example, I went from crying in the car to laughing as we walked through the aisles at Walmart (because I knew I looked terrible), in less than five minutes.

All because we’re getting pretty good (at least sometimes!) at working through and resolving issues more quickly.

I love that Hubs has a pretty short attention span when it comes to arguments because he is ready to move on quickly. I’m like that, too, as long as I’m satisfied that the issue is resolved. However, the problem with this that we’ve had in the past is that he tends to “move on” before I feel we’ve reached any sort of conclusion. And then I tend to feel as though he’s abandoning the issue, or worse, abandoning me in my frustration, anger, or hurt feelings.

But now that we’ve had that same conversation a few times (that I need a better resolution to conflict) we’re getting better at figuring out what works for us.

Hubs is getting better at learning to communicate that he’s ready to be be done fighting in a way that’s less “I give up because I don’t care,” and more “I’m sorry we had a fight, but I want to move on now.”

And for my part? I’m learning to say things like, “I’m sorry I reacted like that when I know you didn’t intend to upset me,” instead of “How could you have said that? It was so hurtful!”

How great is that?

We’re growing!

In the meantime, I’m also growing around the middle. Probably all the leftover Christmas candy I’ve been eating.

Dang Santa! Why’d he have to bring such delicious chocolate?

And why’d I give into the growling in my belly while we were at the store and break down to buy chips and dip.

And why did I eat those AFTER we had dinner?

(P.S. Mom, the chips and dip wasn’t as good as they should have been. I couldn’t find the right dip! And we bought cheap chips…but never again…never again.)

 

 

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Five loads of laundry later…I had plenty of time to think about this…

I didn’t have to work today which was a huge blessing because I really needed to get motivated to get back into the swing of housework. Hubs and I had a great little staycation and restful couple of days over the long weekend and our apartment certainly showed evidence of the lazy nights we had spent at home enjoying the coziness of our couch instead of folding and hanging up clean clothes or sorting the mountain of mail on our coffee table.

Oops.

But as important as it is to me to have our little apartment neat and clean, it’s more important to me to enjoy the time at home with my Hubs. I just had no idea how much I had gotten used to my time at home during the day during the months I wasn’t working!

Don’t get me wrong, I was bored at times and I got tired of sitting on our couch feeling worthless because no one would hire me. (Yes, I admit I had a few pity-party-like moments…) But, the truth of the matter is that I was able to really work on making and keeping our apartment like I wanted it to be.

I have a theory that I’m not very productive around the house at night because Wyatt and I dated long distance so long. When we hung out at either of our houses or apartments at night, we absolutely were not going to waste time doing anything but soaking up every minute we had together.  (We were so cute, right?)

I think that’s why I have trouble working around the house once Hubs gets home at night, (or now that I’m working, when I get home and he’s already there…). I also sometimes get annoyed when he plays video games or all we do is sit around and watch TV. We dated so long and saw each other only one or two nights a week, sometimes less than that, for several years, and we learned to do a good job of really focusing on each other in the time we had together. Now that we’re together so much more, it’s easier for Wyatt to relax and just chill out, not necessarily doing “date-like” activities.

And that’s fine.

Really it is.

Sometimes.

We don’t have to have a date-like activity to do every night. (However, continuing to date each other is a key aspect in marriage, I believe, and one to not overlook, no matter how busy life may get!) And yes, “QT” will always be something that’s important to me, and us. I’m just learning to see it a bit differently.

I need to learn to appreciate the time we have together doing everyday things like folding laundry and washing dishes and watching American Guns on TV as much as I appreciate the time we have to do other, more date-like things. I can’t always just focus on why we don’t have “QT” (Quality time) as much as we used to.

The fact of the matter is that we DO have as much QT. More even! We have QT every day when we greet each other after work, every night when we’re holding each other tightly before bed, every morning when we’re struggling to open our eyes and get out of bed, every time I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes because I’m a bit bored by whatever show we happen to be watching on TV.

I sometimes just have a hard time seeing these moments as quality time when I’m too busy pouting because we aren’t playing a game or going out to a really nice dinner or having a long heart-to-heart conversation or sitting silently staring into each others’ eyes for hours on end…

..Okay, I don’t really want us to do that last thing…I got a bit carried away there.

But you know what I’m trying to say, right?

I just need to do a better job of seeing things his way…in this instance. At least sometimes. Wyatt is so wise, isn’t he?

What about you? Is this something you understand and can relate to? How can I work to overcome the disconnect I sometimes feel when my idea of QT isn’t the same as Hubs’s?

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

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