Posts Tagged With: crying

No more tears…

No this isn’t a commercial for some sort of extra gentle baby shampoo, but yes, I am talking about tears, the things that fall from our eyes when we are hurt or upset, not to be confused with tears, or rips in paper or clothing.

The English language is confusing.

Sheesh.

But I did spend my entire college career studying it…well, that and a bunch of other stuff considering I went to a private liberal arts college.

Anyway, back to my original topic…tears.

I’ve been crying a lot less than I did the first year of our marriage.

This is just a happy picture to show you I was really, in fact, happy during our first year of marriage, even though I did cry a lot. Think of the crying as small intermissions between all the happiness, ok?

Not that the first year of our marriage was sad or unhappy. Quite the contrary. I was super happy to be married to my best friend…but I also cried a lot.

Why?

Well, I’m not sure, but I’m willing to venture some guesses.

(Check out the links to see some earlier blog posts that help explain all these little ramblings!)

1. I didn’t have a job.

This was a big one for me. I’ve never really struggled with anything as much as I struggled to find a job. We didn’t need the money, but it would have been nice while trying to maintain a budget and save as much as possible for a down payment. And it certainly hurt my pride, confidence and general self-esteem to feel like a failure for so long. I went through so many stages of dealing with it: determination, hope, peace, anger, embarrassment, hope, frustration, peace, anxiety, hope, fear, anger,  disappointment…you get the idea. And though I learned a lot about gratitude and humility and trust, it was a struggle the entire time. And even though this self-employed freelance writing thing is still hard, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to do something I love and that will contribute to our finances, even just at a part-time level.

2. I was worried about finding and affording a house we loved.

We all know that worked out well for us, and that we now have the biggest project we’ve ever taken on together as a fabulous home, but for awhile, it was hard to imagine leaving our little apartment, hard to wrap my head around how much this all would cost, hard to decide where we wanted to put down real roots and raise our kiddos, hard to figure out just how much house we needed and how much project we could take on…but finding our home was a journey, that’s for sure.

3. I was hormonal.

Let’s face it, this is still true. But maybe being on the pill for over 1 1/2 years now has finally allowed my body to calm down and stop freaking out over every tiny little change in the hormone levels.

4. I was tired.

Remember our sleeping adventures, like Hubs’ sleep talking, and figuring out our sides of the bed, and our different sleep schedules? I didn’t sleep so well for the first few months of our marriage, or the first several months. I still have nights where it’s a struggle, like last night, when I was woken up by snores and then I laid there for fifteen minutes, half-asleep and nearly incoherent, before realizing it was coming from the sleeping Hubs beside me and yes, I could in fact, wake him up and tell him to roll over. After which he got a little grumpy because I was pretty persistent after not believing his half-asleep, “okay,” with no signs of movement. Anyway, when I’m tired, I get salty, and when I’m salty, I tend to cry easily. I’m sleeping better these days, for the most part, or maybe adjusting to living on less shut-eye.

5. I was homesick.

Again, I was thrilled to be married. And I loved it for that first year of newlywed-ness…but I also missed my family. And I felt a little alienated from them because there just wasn’t much opportunity for visiting (my mom doesn’t drive in the city…at all). Moving to our new house in this new neighborhood is perfect. We’re closer. Our parents can (and do!) visit more often. And the biggest part of this? This house is now HOME. Our apartment was home, too, but never in the way I feel about our house.

And that my friends is why the last few months have held far less salty, wet kisses as Hubs attempts to cheer me up, less red, swollen eyes, and much more giggles, laughs and smiles.

Not that I wasn’t giddy and happy during our first year of marriage, but settling into this married life sure feels good.

 

What about you? What was hard for you in your early married years? Do you cry a lot? Did you used to cry a lot? How did you get over it? How did your Hubs help with drying the tears? 

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Tears of Joy

Well guys, the big one year anniversary officially came and went without a lot of hoopla or fanfare. I had expected lots of joyous, silly celebrating, but we had none of that.

And you know what? I’m perfectly fine with that.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re still going to celebrate again on Saturday in a combined celebration for my birthday and some other stuff.

We had some personal things that kept us from celebrating the way we would have preferred last night so we just decided to go out to a relaxing dinner, something fun and casual, and then save the real “special” stuff until the weekend.

(Although eating out on a Monday certainly is special on our budget!)

So on the one year anniversary of the day we got all dressed up and fancy and said our vows, we both went to work (or worked from the couch, in my case) and then some pretty awesome burgers that I tried to share with you via photo, but my phone internet isn’t cooperating so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

And then we went home.

We were full. We were tired. We decided to take a short nap before dessert.

Spoiler alert: We never made it to dessert.

We were both so tired that we ended up sleeping longer than we’d planned, and by the time we got up, we were still feeling full and weren’t in the mood for any more celebrating.

I’ll admit it, I was bummed.

I felt we’d wasted our anniversary. It was the only first anniversary we’ll get and we’d slept part of it away!

But then, as Hubs hugged me and I could see the hurt in his eyes because he thought he’d let me down, I realized it didn’t matter at all how or when we celebrated. Having each other for a whole year already and a lifetime to come is what we should be celebrating every day, not just today. That’s where the joy should be coming from. Not from a fancy dress or an expensive dinner…

So I cried a little bit and apologized. I hadn’t meant to make him feel bad. What a humbling blessing to be able to ask for forgiveness from the one I love on the day we celebrate the promises that we made to always fight fair and seek out resolution to our conflicts and struggles.

And then we settled into the couch to read our “Love Story” book that we started on our wedding day.

Putting the photos of our parents and grandparents on their wedding days into our love story book.

And we looked though our photo album. And we both got a little emotional as we relived those memories.

Such a special moment I never want to forget.

And then, you know what we did?

We read our promises to each other.

Wyatt reading his promises to me. I’m crying here. He is, too.

The ones we read during our wedding after we recited our vows. The ones that made pretty much the entire church cry, including ourselves, with how sweet and personal and perfect for us that they were.

My turn with this very emotional task of reading our personalized promises to each other.

And you know what?

We both cried again. More than a few tears on our cheeks. In fact, there were several, many even, tears running down our cheeks as we relived how passionate we were as we wrote and recited those words to each other last year and remembered just how much love and devotion and history and hope those words carried for us then, and how much they still mean to us know.

And you know what else?

It was exactly what I would have wanted our “actual” anniversary to be. It was real. It was honest. It was tender and sweet and private. We’ll save the silly celebrations for later. Those special moments were all about taking time to quietly reflect on just how amazingly blessed we are to call each other best friends…lovers… teammates… family…husband and wife.

And that was all the joy I could have ever dreamed of wanting for such a very special day.

 

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

“U”nderstanding Each Other

Hubs and I are different.

A lot different.

I am a 50% rational and 50% emotional. Usually the rational part wins over, but when it’s time to be emotional, boy, do I get emotional!

Hubs is 80% rational and 20% emotional.*

This can make it hard to communicate.

Case in point?

Last night, about 11:15pm, laying in bed.

I was feeling overwhelmed about working and job hunting and house cleaning and moving and finding a house and…

Hubs was tired.

He knew it was fine for bed.

I knew it was time for bed, too, but the emotional part of my being won out.

I’ll admit there was some crying when Hubs wasn’t really supportive of my need to be cheered up and calmed down.

He was rational in that he said I already knew everything he would say to cheer me up. I knew that I knew all those things, too, but I was already too emotional to care about that stuff now.

(In my defense, I understand that I was still on antibiotics that make me feel super nauseous and that my body is trying to get better, so I know I wasn’t really myself.)

(In Hubs’ defense, he eventually understood that he was going to have to give in and just work me through my emotional-ness, no matter how much he tried to convince me to be rational.

So we had a bit of a fight and stayed up later than we should have.

And we managed to make up and wake up happy together.

Because we understand each other, even when we’re unhappy.

*Hubs approved all the percentages estimated in this post.

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

“P”arsley

Last night while we were making dinner, this happened:

Yup, that's parsley...all over the floor...

I didn’t drop it, I swear.

I did put it on the top shelf of the cabinet and then shut the door.

I really did.

Or at least, I almost shut the door.

Too bad the cabinet’s too full and I knocked over some other spices, sending them spinning and tumbling of the shelf…and sending the glass parsley jar to the floor.

Where the lid popped off and allowed parsley to go pretty much every-which-way all over the floor.

But we didn’t yell, or curse, or cry.

(You knew Hubs didn’t cry, I’m sure, but I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t crying either…)

I did stand there silently for a bit just looking at it.

I stood there so long, in fact, that Hubs had to say, “Well, pick it up.”

So I did.

And I kept cooking while Hubs got out the sweeper and cleaned it up.

I was bummed, sure, but proud of us for avoiding an argument. Or in my case, a meltdown.

We know not to cry over spilled…parsley.

Your turn! What’s the most recent thing in your marriage that could have been an opportunity to produce anger or frustration? How did you respond?

Categories: Everyday Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Stealing things is a lot different than stealing joy

Friday night was not a great night here in newlywedville. (Yes, I know that’s not a real word, or a real place.)

Just to give you some background information, neither Hubs nor I owned a credit card before we got married. In fact, we had a slight panic before the wedding when we were trying to make honeymoon arrangements and needed one to reserve hotel rooms. We got that all worked out and use it pretty much only to buy gas or large grocery shopping trips just for the cash back. We try to be responsible and pay it off every month and until Friday, we had no problems.

But, Friday night while checking the balance to pay it off, Hubs discovered a $900+ charge to an online golf warehouse. While he would like a new set of golf clubs, these certainly weren’t purchased by us. So we had to deal with that. Luckily, we won’t be responsible for the payment, but it’s still a hassle.

Then, Saturday morning when he was getting ready to leave, Wyatt discovered his car had been broken into. They threw a rock or something through the window and stole the radio and his MP3 player. Keep in mind, people, that his car is a ’90 Honda accord, and his radio and Zune were at least 5-7 years old, maybe even 10, I’d guess.

So we had a pretty eventful weekend, all things considered. It’s a weird feeling to be stolen from. Not only do you feel angry and frustrated at everything you have to deal with, there’s also a sense of violation that comes into play. Someone was in your space, touching and taking your things. It makes my skin crawl a bit. And then there’s the loss. We’re not rich, we don’t have a lot, and while a radio and music player aren’t necessities, we’ll certainly feel their absence. We’ve both reached for the radio knob while driving several times. And we’ll have to pay to get the window fixed.

We also had to pay for the plastic to cover the broken window. (Yes, we’re reppin’ the plastic taped to the window. I hesitate to say “white trash” for fear of offending anyone in a similar situation, but let’s just say we felt a bit conspicuous driving around in nicer neighborhoods this weekend.)

So why can I honestly say we still had a good weekend, despite all this craziness?

Well, because we did our best to deal with each situation and we moved on. Yes, Hubs was REALLY mad when he discovered the car window broken and everything gone, and yes, I could see the anger and annoyance and even hurt in his eyes when he was on the phone with the credit card company. But when we sat down together at the end of the day on Saturday night after dealing with all this, we were both relaxed and smiling.

Of course, that could have also had something to do with our decorated tree and the couple of beers we’d enjoyed. Oh, and the holiday cheer that came from watching Rudolph on TV. Can you believe Hubs had NEVER seen it before? NEVER? I was amazed and amused as he got a kick out of the name “Yukon Cornelius.”

The beginning of the good part of this weekend.

Yes, I know you’ve seen that post if you follow me on Twitter. Want to follow me on twitter? Sounds like a good plan to me! Go here.

So, what did I learn this weekend? Lots of things.

1. Locking your doors is important, but not ALWAYS helpful. If someone wants in, they’ll get in. Also, I’m thankful my car has an alarm system that tends to go off at random times that I’m usually annoyed by. At least there’s a chance it would go off in a case like this…

2. I’m thankful for our neighbors down below who happened to see a guy lurking around cars checking the doors a night last week while he was standing on his deck smoking. No, it didn’t stop us from having to deal with this, but it might have stopped us from having to deal with it on a weekday when Hubs would have needed to go to work, and it might have stopped us from having to deal with it twice. Who knows? Either way, I’m glad to know he’s watching out when he’s out there.

3. I so admire that Wyatt tries so hard to control his emotions around me and that he’s successful at these attempts. I’ve seen him get very angry before (never at me), but I was a bit intimidated to see that fire in his eyes anytime it would happen. Every year we’ve been together, I’ve seen him grow and mature in the way he deals with things that anger and upset him. Yes, he was justified in being upset, but I’m so thankful to never have to be concerned about my safety or the probability of him busting his fist through a wall and I respect and admire the way he works through problems instead of blowing up.

4. No matter how safe our apartment feels or how much I like the area of the city we live in, it’s still the city and there are still reasons to not roll my eyes when my mom says to be careful up here. I should never be casual about my surroundings.

5. Being married to a man I trust is so comforting. He’s not only my best friend and our family’s provider, he’s also my protector. And falling asleep in his arms is exactly where I want to end every night. Reason # 163 why Husband roommates are the best.

6. Christmas festivities really do make my heart happy. And like the expression says, “Happy wife, happy life.” When I was excited about decorating our tree, Hubs was grinning and playing along as well.  It’s our first Christmas as husband and wife, and our tree is beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, that I admit to shedding a few tears. But when I had tears in my eyes on Saturday night, it was for a totally different reason than the tears that fell Friday night.

What’s that? You want to see our tree all dolled up?

You’ll have to check back and see it tomorrow!

 

Categories: Adventures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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