Posts Tagged With: fighting

From newlyweds to the rest of our lives

First of all, did you all see yesterday’s post? I’m trying to work on some new ideas for the blog and really want some input for you. Please take a minute to leave me a comment and give me some feedback on what sort of posts you like most and what is your favorite things about this blog.

Next, I wanted to focus a little bit today on how I’ve been feeling about our marriage recently, as we transition into this second year of marriage.

1. I am so blessed by this husband of mine. He is wiser than I ever thought him to be, stronger than I’d seen him be, smarter, sweeter, and sexier than I could have ever imagined when I first fell head over heels in love with him at 16 years old. I know he’s going to continue to surprise me with his goodness as we transition from our family of two to having kids, grandkids, and more.

2. I’m surprised by how little we fight about anything serious. It seems the only things we bicker about are small, silly, and totally unimportant details. When we’re really faced with a scary circumstance, difficult life choice, or major struggle, we’re truly able to be helpmates for each other, and that makes up for all the little lovers’ spats that may take place on any given normal night.

3. I don’t feel the need to be with him all the time, but I certainly feel the desire. Don’t get me wrong, he sometimes enjoys going to play poker with some guys from work, and I enjoy having a girls’ night with my friends from back home, but overall, given the choice of socializing or relaxing with or without him, I’d choose to have him near me every time. And that’s not something I think will chance in the future, as I enjoy his company more now than ever before. And yes, I can function without him, but if I don’t have to, I won’t. But this is something I realize has nothing to do with us being newlyweds. It’s about being in love, and being married to my very best friend.

4. Me not having a job where I work from 8 to 5 every day is a HUGE blessing. Yes, I’ve spent a huge amount of time belly-aching about not having a “real” job, but you know what? I’m growing used to the fact that this is my real job for this season of life. Sure, I don’t work full time doing this, but I enjoy the work and I get to do different things every day, and talk to a lot of people, and learn about lots of things I never knew about before. But mostly, I’m writing, which is what I think I’m meant to do. At least for now. And it’s given me so much time to help with stuff for the house. Someone needs to be there to let the carpet cleaning guy in and pay him after he’s finished? I can do it. Someone needs to go to the mechanic? That’s my job. The UPS store to return our equipment? Paint all the walls and trim in our house? Organize and clean everything? Yup, I can do all those things too. And how much of a blessing is it that either Hubs nor myself is having to take precious vacation time to be there for all this stuff? I’d say it’s huge. And for now, I’m content to write part- time and be a full-time wife to the man I love.

5. Sleeping together is still a challenge sometimes, but we’re totally settling into our preferred “sleeping positions” (as Hubs calls them), and snuggling positions, which I prefer we spend a few minutes in pre-sleeping time. Neither of us has suffered any major bruises because of bumps in the night, and I am learning to question with caution if I hear him saying something in the middle of the night, because he gets a little crabby when I ask questions after hearing his sleep-talking mumbles.

6. Holding hands is so important. Even just a few seconds walking into the store from the car are an opportunity to connect and share a sweet moment. I love that we both know to reach for the other at the perfect moment. It’s part of our routine now, something that hasn’t changed since we were first dating and that I know will continue into the future.

What about you? What are you learning about your spouse in your marriage? I know it’s something, so share!

 

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Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

“V”ictories..even small ones

Remember my post yesterday about our big fight before bed on Monday?

Well, last night, we celebrated our victory in overcoming that fight, continuing to learn and love and forgive each other when we fail at communicating with care, and for simply the sake of celebrating.

So, we made cupcakes.

And we enjoyed them.

Yum. Yum. Yum.

Yum. I'll celebrate love with my love, any day!

We know that we’re going to have bad days when we just get on each other’s nerves. We also have days when we are overcome by the awesome amount of love we have for each other.

You want to know something crazy? Some days, both of those things happen.

That’s something surprisingly wonderful I’ve learned in our nearly ten months of marriage.

And I’d say that’s worth celebrating.

Life’s about the little things, after all, right?

What about you? What do you celebrate and why? Better yet, how do you celebrate?

Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

“U”nderstanding Each Other

Hubs and I are different.

A lot different.

I am a 50% rational and 50% emotional. Usually the rational part wins over, but when it’s time to be emotional, boy, do I get emotional!

Hubs is 80% rational and 20% emotional.*

This can make it hard to communicate.

Case in point?

Last night, about 11:15pm, laying in bed.

I was feeling overwhelmed about working and job hunting and house cleaning and moving and finding a house and…

Hubs was tired.

He knew it was fine for bed.

I knew it was time for bed, too, but the emotional part of my being won out.

I’ll admit there was some crying when Hubs wasn’t really supportive of my need to be cheered up and calmed down.

He was rational in that he said I already knew everything he would say to cheer me up. I knew that I knew all those things, too, but I was already too emotional to care about that stuff now.

(In my defense, I understand that I was still on antibiotics that make me feel super nauseous and that my body is trying to get better, so I know I wasn’t really myself.)

(In Hubs’ defense, he eventually understood that he was going to have to give in and just work me through my emotional-ness, no matter how much he tried to convince me to be rational.

So we had a bit of a fight and stayed up later than we should have.

And we managed to make up and wake up happy together.

Because we understand each other, even when we’re unhappy.

*Hubs approved all the percentages estimated in this post.

Categories: Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

“I”ntentional

Hubs and I don’t like to fight.

We don’t thrive on the drama.

We don’t enjoy feeling angry or upset.

But that doesn’t mean we’re always intentional like we should be.

Let me put it this way:

just because we aren’t intentional about picking fights with one another doesn’t mean we don’t have to be  intentional about trying to avoid it prevent them.

Here’s an example.

Last night was a grumpy one for me. I’m feeling a little sick and trying to fight it off but I was tired and feeling a little overwhelmed by some big decisions in our life right now.

So I reacted poorly when Hubs sat on the couch playing on his computer while I put away three loads worth of laundry.

I didn’t mean to get angry…but that felt justified so I didn’t stop it. Then I said something negative, got huffy, and went to bed.

He reacted negatively to this, defending his actions by citing times he feels I ignore him when I’m on my computer.

And then we were fighting…right before bed…which is the worst time to fight.

If we had been more intentional about the incident, the fight could have been avoided.

I could have asked for help with the laundry instead of silently allowing myself to get more and more upset…when I knew he had no idea I was angry.

He could have called me on my negativity when I snapped at him instead of casually throwing out incidents in our conversion that felt like attacks to me in my already agitated mindset.

We’re still learning, but we’ll try to work on this more.

There are other aspects where being intentional is important too but this is enough for one night.

What about you? What things are you intentional about? What should you be more intentional about?

Categories: Everyday Life, Lessons | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments