No more tears…

No this isn’t a commercial for some sort of extra gentle baby shampoo, but yes, I am talking about tears, the things that fall from our eyes when we are hurt or upset, not to be confused with tears, or rips in paper or clothing.

The English language is confusing.

Sheesh.

But I did spend my entire college career studying it…well, that and a bunch of other stuff considering I went to a private liberal arts college.

Anyway, back to my original topic…tears.

I’ve been crying a lot less than I did the first year of our marriage.

This is just a happy picture to show you I was really, in fact, happy during our first year of marriage, even though I did cry a lot. Think of the crying as small intermissions between all the happiness, ok?

Not that the first year of our marriage was sad or unhappy. Quite the contrary. I was super happy to be married to my best friend…but I also cried a lot.

Why?

Well, I’m not sure, but I’m willing to venture some guesses.

(Check out the links to see some earlier blog posts that help explain all these little ramblings!)

1. I didn’t have a job.

This was a big one for me. I’ve never really struggled with anything as much as I struggled to find a job. We didn’t need the money, but it would have been nice while trying to maintain a budget and save as much as possible for a down payment. And it certainly hurt my pride, confidence and general self-esteem to feel like a failure for so long. I went through so many stages of dealing with it: determination, hope, peace, anger, embarrassment, hope, frustration, peace, anxiety, hope, fear, anger,  disappointment…you get the idea. And though I learned a lot about gratitude and humility and trust, it was a struggle the entire time. And even though this self-employed freelance writing thing is still hard, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to do something I love and that will contribute to our finances, even just at a part-time level.

2. I was worried about finding and affording a house we loved.

We all know that worked out well for us, and that we now have the biggest project we’ve ever taken on together as a fabulous home, but for awhile, it was hard to imagine leaving our little apartment, hard to wrap my head around how much this all would cost, hard to decide where we wanted to put down real roots and raise our kiddos, hard to figure out just how much house we needed and how much project we could take on…but finding our home was a journey, that’s for sure.

3. I was hormonal.

Let’s face it, this is still true. But maybe being on the pill for over 1 1/2 years now has finally allowed my body to calm down and stop freaking out over every tiny little change in the hormone levels.

4. I was tired.

Remember our sleeping adventures, like Hubs’ sleep talking, and figuring out our sides of the bed, and our different sleep schedules? I didn’t sleep so well for the first few months of our marriage, or the first several months. I still have nights where it’s a struggle, like last night, when I was woken up by snores and then I laid there for fifteen minutes, half-asleep and nearly incoherent, before realizing it was coming from the sleeping Hubs beside me and yes, I could in fact, wake him up and tell him to roll over. After which he got a little grumpy because I was pretty persistent after not believing his half-asleep, “okay,” with no signs of movement. Anyway, when I’m tired, I get salty, and when I’m salty, I tend to cry easily. I’m sleeping better these days, for the most part, or maybe adjusting to living on less shut-eye.

5. I was homesick.

Again, I was thrilled to be married. And I loved it for that first year of newlywed-ness…but I also missed my family. And I felt a little alienated from them because there just wasn’t much opportunity for visiting (my mom doesn’t drive in the city…at all). Moving to our new house in this new neighborhood is perfect. We’re closer. Our parents can (and do!) visit more often. And the biggest part of this? This house is now HOME. Our apartment was home, too, but never in the way I feel about our house.

And that my friends is why the last few months have held far less salty, wet kisses as Hubs attempts to cheer me up, less red, swollen eyes, and much more giggles, laughs and smiles.

Not that I wasn’t giddy and happy during our first year of marriage, but settling into this married life sure feels good.

 

What about you? What was hard for you in your early married years? Do you cry a lot? Did you used to cry a lot? How did you get over it? How did your Hubs help with drying the tears? 

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Categories: Love Stuff | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “No more tears…

  1. sarah9188

    I am in the early married time now- just a few days shy of three months married. Your post made me realize I am not crazy; I am still jobless, hormonal from only 7 months of birth control, and I have some weird health issues. Money is tightt as well. Anyway, I feel so bad because I feel like I cry a lot…but I love the man I married and need him so much! I guess it is nice to know I am not alone or crazy. 🙂 Thanks!

    • You are certainly not crazy or alone! Thanks so much for your comment, because it helps to know that I’m not those things either! I promise it will get better, just keep on loving that man like crazy, reminding him to be patient with you and thanking him each time he is! 🙂 Hugs help a lot, I’ve found, and sometimes words don’t help at all. Just keep believing the best of yourself, your hubs and your marriage. Good luck with the future and figuring out what works for you–it takes time! And we by no means have it all figured out. There will be plenty of more things Ill find to cry about, I’m sure! Thanks for the comment, and I’d love to connect more. Please update me on how it’s going!

      • sarah9188

        Thanks! I have my own version of your blog that I’ve been writing since before marriage to help my sanity – to be honest. 😉
        http://www.sarahsbrandnewchapter.wordpress.com

        Thanks again! And I get and give lots of hugs. We were just talking about this – my hubby and I – and he was telling me his struggles in being married, though not blubbering like me. 😉 Marriage involves a lot of hard, scary changes and responsibilty. But I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

  2. Nice blog! Thanks for stopping by! Hope to connect more. And yes, it can be hard, but it’s fabulous!

  3. Tiff

    Ive been married just 2 months and the flip is crazy. Mostly because I had my entire life being with my parents and everything was stable with a routine. I relocated from an island to TX and on top of that I hear my mom every day asking when am I going to go visit her. Money is tight and I just have my bed on the floor and a table with 2 chairs, a car that could die any minute and internet being paid by my parents because thats how bad we are right now.
    So yes I do cry whenever I see dogs, because I miss my 2 maltese ones that I left back home, I miss my best friends and the comfy house and specially the food even if my mom didnt know how to cook that much. This weekend is my bday and it shocked me today actually that its going to be awful, not only because im away from everyone that I know of, but on top of that my husband is going in a work related trip for an entire week leaving me with a standard car that im learning to drive on the same day of my bday.
    Only good thing happening recently? after more than 40 job applications I did received 5 interviews, 3 of them being for the same position and in the last one letting me know that someone else inside of the company was being considered. But the last one, even though I had 1 1/2 hour traffic and getting 10 min late, I got hired for a part time position within what I studied. Bad thing? I need a car. Schedule can be given from all three diff shifts its a 24-7 running company and I am scared shitless to be by myself in a state so big with no friends and learning like a teenager again. My husband just says that it will be over as soon as I adjust to the new life, and takes me to get yogurt or go to the gym (great, I hate the gym but he loves it) but I just don’t know when will that day come.

    • Wow! It sounds like you have a lot going on right now! All I can say is to keep hanging in there. Remember how much you love your husband and keep working towards a better future. That being said, try to enjoy the time you have right now. You may not have a lot, but you have each other, right? I’ll say a prayer for you guys. Best wishes!

  4. you know what? I cry at everything too, so I just naturally assumed that on the day of my wedding I would be a ball of tears. But suprisingly I was not. At all. I didn’t shed one tear, didn’t realease one spec of water out of my duct. Everyone around us was crying, but for some reason it felt surreal to me. Walking down the aisle, our officiant talking, reciting our vows, all of it felt like other worldly…maybe because I was concentrating to hard on what was going to happen next, i don’t really know, but seeing my now husband smiling at me during the wedding was funny instead of emotional. I will say on an average day we are a couple of goofball pranksters, but our wedding was not the emotional cryfest for me like I am at everyone else’s wedding.

  5. Jennifer

    Thank you for this. It was encouraging to me. I’ve been married almost 4 months, and I am so in love with my husband. He’s the best thing in my life, besides Jesus. But I cry A LOT. Like, a lot a lot. I am 32 years old, married for the first time, but having lived all over the world and away from Mom and Dad since I was 16. Yet I related so much to your blog.
    I have different “cry factors”: I left sunny Los Angeles to live in my husband’s home in the now-frozen tundra of Nebraska. I miss flip-flops. I miss my friends. I miss the beach. I miss Trader Joe’s, for goodness sake.
    I was a full-time professional in the career I’d been in for 10 years, and now I’m working part-time from home at a job I am not really loving.
    I haven’t had time or energy to really make friends here yet.
    I didn’t do the birth control route. Instead, we got pregnant on our honeymoon, I lost the baby at 5 weeks, and then BOOM, we were pregnant again two weeks later. Such a joy, but SO many tears.
    So many big things have happened, I hardly remember to consider all of the little adjustments, like sleep schedules and different needs for alone time that we are both going through.
    Last night was one of THOSE newly-wed/preggo nights: I was sobbing my eyes out, feeling rejected and sad, while my poor husband struggled to comfort me and figure out what on earth was wrong. I felt so bad for him. Like I wasn’t embracing the joy of my marriage and impending motherhood. Like I wasn’t grateful for all that God has given me in my amazing, handsome, sweet, wise and self-sacrificing husband.
    Your blog helped me remember something important- they say the first year is hard. I expected that. But maybe this is what hard means. For us, at least. We love each other. We have a great time together, doing life, in and out of the bedroom. But my emotions can be so intense right now. I get hurt easily. I am homesick, though my husband is the closest thing to “home” I’ve had in years. My hormones are INSANE. So it’s hard. But it’s encouraging to know, maybe, in year 2, I won’t cry quite so much. Maybe the homesickness will fade as our lives become more settled here together. And maybe, it’s OK if for now, I cry.

    • Thanks so much for your comment, Jennifer! I’m praying right now for you and baby to stay healthy and happy! We’ve actually moved the blog over to a new site (www.lovinghere.com) and I no longer maintain this one. I actually had to go hunting for the password just to log in and post this comment and approve yours! I wanted to reach out to say I feel for you, though, and I hope you’ll join us on the new site sometime! I’d love to connect more there. Best wishes!

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