Hubs and I had our first “real” fight on Monday night. It started so simply. He made a joke that struck a very personal chord with me. I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but I got upset anyway and pouted for about an hour.
(insert regret here.)
And then when we went to bed, I tried to apologize for my reaction. He was already too tired and had moved on, so he didn’t reply to my attempt at making up like I wanted him to. In fact, he didn’t say anything. So I laid awake for over an hour stewing, switching back and forth between being mad at him, being hurt, and being torn as to what to do about it. So I did nothing.
Except listen to him sleep. Actually listen to him snore. He snored a LOT, and loud. But I didn’t wake him up because I wasn’t sleeping anyway. And even though I was angry, there was no reason to wake him up. He was already way too out to have an intelligent conversation (judging from the seemingly foreign language he sputtered out at some point…) and I knew he’d be tired in the morning anyway, so I just let him snore, and by the time I was ready and able to fall asleep, he’d rolled over and quieted down.
But the next morning, I was still angry. As he got ready to walk out the door, we said our goodbyes and had a quick kiss, but then I told him he hadn’t said anything to me when I’d tried to apologize. His response? “I know.”
And then I was really hurt and angry all over again.
And he had to leave for work, so I was left sitting there on the couch with all day to think about what had happened and what it meant and what to do to fix it. I was tired of being upset. I wanted to make up and move on.
I sent an email, and he replied, and to him, that was probably all that was needed. I still wasn’t satisfied. I needed some sort of closure.
So I planned my peace offering.
I went to the store and had dinner ready and waiting when Wyatt got home.
Blue cheese and bacon burgers, with fried potatoes. I knew it was a meal he’d really love. He’d been talking about burgers like that for awhile.
And I think it worked, because he complimented me, the meal, and helped do the dishes. For all practical purposes, everything was back to normal.
Because I still needed that verbal closure.
So I brought it up again. And we talked about it a little bit. And honestly? I’m still not sure anything was said that really made me feel better, but I sensed it was over, and happy or not, I moved on, and we had a nice night. We didn’t do anything super sweet. Actually, he played video games and I worked around the house or read all night. But we were content and it was fine.
So my question now is this. How do you get that verbal closure when the argument seems to just fizzle out like this? Sometimes it comes naturally, but in an argument like this, where there was no yelling, no crying, no major issue, I’m not sure how it really comes by itself. Wyatt and I barely ever fight, and when we do, it’s usually short and to the point. We always try to fight fair, and while we’re good at arguing and maintaining the peace in tough situations, I’m just not sure we know how to really resolve something like this.
What about you? Is there a way to make up easily and “once and for all?” I hate dragging things on for no reason, but I’m not sure how to get that closure when there’s no big culmination to the argument. Have you ever felt this way? What works for you?