It all started with a math problem. A sixth grade math problem to be exact. We were helping to figure out a problem for my little cousin’s homework and Wyatt thought of a way to get the answer that I thought was too complicated to try to explain. He was upset because it seemed like I didn’t care that he’d taken the time to figure it out. I was upset because I was tired of dealing with it and didn’t want to have to explain all of that over the phone…
Pretty soon he snapped at me when I tried to explain why I had ignored his suggestion (2 mistakes right there!) and I was immediately so angry and upset that I started to cry in the parking lot. Then we drove to Walmart and I was trying to calm down enough that I didn’t have running eye make up all over the place. But that didn’t really work because I’m a terrible crier and I have trouble breathing once I’m trying to hold in my tears and then they usually just keep coming, no matter how much I want to shut them off. So I’m sure by this point, I had both a runny nose and running mascara. Yay.
But it’s amazing what a few short minutes of good conflict resolution will do for a situation. It’s really a simple concept. For example, I went from crying in the car to laughing as we walked through the aisles at Walmart (because I knew I looked terrible), in less than five minutes.
All because we’re getting pretty good (at least sometimes!) at working through and resolving issues more quickly.
I love that Hubs has a pretty short attention span when it comes to arguments because he is ready to move on quickly. I’m like that, too, as long as I’m satisfied that the issue is resolved. However, the problem with this that we’ve had in the past is that he tends to “move on” before I feel we’ve reached any sort of conclusion. And then I tend to feel as though he’s abandoning the issue, or worse, abandoning me in my frustration, anger, or hurt feelings.
But now that we’ve had that same conversation a few times (that I need a better resolution to conflict) we’re getting better at figuring out what works for us.
Hubs is getting better at learning to communicate that he’s ready to be be done fighting in a way that’s less “I give up because I don’t care,” and more “I’m sorry we had a fight, but I want to move on now.”
And for my part? I’m learning to say things like, “I’m sorry I reacted like that when I know you didn’t intend to upset me,” instead of “How could you have said that? It was so hurtful!”
How great is that?
In the meantime, I’m also growing around the middle. Probably all the leftover Christmas candy I’ve been eating.
Dang Santa! Why’d he have to bring such delicious chocolate?
And why’d I give into the growling in my belly while we were at the store and break down to buy chips and dip.
And why did I eat those AFTER we had dinner?
(P.S. Mom, the chips and dip wasn’t as good as they should have been. I couldn’t find the right dip! And we bought cheap chips…but never again…never again.)