Was there an earthquake? And other lessons…

I learned two lessons tonight. One of them may change my marriage for the better if I’m able to really let it sink in.

1. Things will break.

Yes, it was a sad night in our kitchen tonight.

One of the beer glasses I got for Wyatt for Christmas this year broke in the dishwasher and Hubs discovered it as he was unloading it tonight while I was making dinner.

I was devastated because it was the first item we’d really broken since being married. (We lasted almost a year with no broken glass…wow! Anyone who knows us knows that’s an accomplishment, being as we are both super clumsy.) We’ve been so careful with all of our new, nice things because we aren’t in a place financially to just run out and replace everything and anything all the time. We try to take the best care of our things as we can. And these glasses were special because they were a gift from me to him on our first Christmas together…

And now we only have 3 of them.

I didn’t cry. But I wanted to a little bit.

Hubs was quick to say it was fine and that it wasn’t a big deal. I toughened up and agreed.

Until I opened the fridge and saw this.

Seriously, What happened?!?

That’s a HUGE crack in our everyday pitcher that we love. And it happened while it was just sitting in the fridge. When I saw it and cried out in disbelief, Hubs was quick to come see what was the matter. He was shocked to see the ruined pitcher, and asked if there’d been an earthquake or something.

Why was all this stuff breaking now?

On a day when I’d been feeling salty and grumpy and discouraged and sad about needing a full time job and wanting to contribute more to our finances to help us be more secure as we buy this house and have more bills to deal with each month.

On a night we’d already bickered a few times, mostly because I was upset and struggling to not take out my frustration on Hubs.

Broken…so broken.

But as I whined and complained and sulked over the broken pieces, Hubs so wisely pointed out that “Honey, things break.”

Which brings me to lesson two.

2. Just because things break or feel like they are breaking, doesn’t mean our marriage is broken.

We’re going to have hard times. We’re going to struggle with worries about finances and major decisions. It’s part of life. Me not having a “real” job right now can’t affect us to the point that we’re living in fear of the unknown. The truth is that we are getting by just fine and we are so excited to be able to buy this house that we love. We’re not in over our heads and if we keep saving and being frugal and sticking to our budget, we won’t get that way. We’ll be fine.

Better than fine.

I can’t let my career situation define me in a negative way right now. I am doing what I can and we are moving forward every day. My lack of a job, no matter what it feels like some days, doesn’t mean I’m broken.

And it certainly doesn’t mean we’re broken.

And unlike these glasses, we’re going to be fine.

Clutter, clutter everywhere… a housewife confession

Ok, so it’s no episode of hoarders over here, but it is pretty messy.

The dining room table is covered with clutter.

The coffee table is covered with clutter.

The love seat has clutter, the floor has clutter, the bathroom counter and bedroom floor have clutter.

It’s enough to make me real grumpy and a lot overwhelmed.

I really dislike having all this stuff sitting around making the house look messy. It makes my mind feel messy.

But when I get home from work and have other work to do, the stuff around here kind of piles up.

True, we work on it when we can, and when we feel like it, and we almost always have the kitchen nicely clean, but I can’t help but feel like I can’t really focus on the tasks I have to do when I’m thinking about how messy the house is. I hate having to clean up before I have space to start a project.

Maybe this is something I’ll get used to as we get more settled into marriage. I’m sure we’ll get grooves and rhythms and patterns of how we use our home and how we manage the everyday messes that occur. I certainly managed to function all through high school and college at my parents’ house when the floor in my room would get completely covered with clothes, books, and who knows what all else.

It’s not that I’m naturally one of those people that cleans all the time or has to put things away as soon as I use them.

I’m not like that at all. My mom will certainly vouch for that!

I’m in a hurry. I’m busy. I have things to do and people to see. I have jobs 1, 2, and 3 to balance.

But I also really hate to be surrounded by clutter. That’s why I keep my bookshelves as free from knick-knacks as possible and hesitate to set things on my counters. I like things neat.

I feel more at peace when I’m surrounded by a space that’s organized…

…even though I seldom take the time to organize as I go…

so I end up with a big pile of organizing to do all at once.

And then I get huffy and salty.

And Hubs gets annoyed that I’m huffy for no real reason.

After all, the house was messy yesterday, why am I suddenly freaking out over it?

It’s an endless cycle.

I have a feeling this is something that won’t go away unless we work on it. Life won’t slow down enough for us to always have a perfect house, and that’s fine. It’s perfectly fine. I don’t need a clean house all the time. I want our home to look loved and used and lived in. I just don’t want to have to move a giant pile of mail and half-folded-laundry every time I want to use the table for something.

Ideas?

Solutions?

I had an idea last night that Hubs and I should try to focus on cleaning at least one little area of the house each night before we go to bed. The table, the coffee table, the bathroom counter, the sides of the bed where we both end up with a pile of worn laundry….you get the idea.

That way, we’ll go to bed feeling like we accomplished something specific and tangible, and things won’t get so overwhelming for me to freak out over and get huffy and stomp around cleaning while Hubs sits on the couch looking at me with a confused look on my face.

See what I mean?

What about you? What keeps your house from getting clutter-crazy? How do you handle it when it feels overwhelmingly messy? Is this something that affects your marriage at all? Does it cause fights? I’d love some tips and tricks!

 

Salty and sweet…and maybe a nap…

After the very, very long day I had today, I was a bit salty, and I came home and hurt Hubs’s feelings.

Dangit.

That’s not what I wanted to do.

It’s times like that when I wish I had a “do over” button.

But I don’t, so let’s start at the beginning.

And let’s just say that day 2 at work wasn’t super great. I know there’s a learning curve and it takes time to get settled in. But I came home in a semi-sour mood. Hubs was on the couch, headphones on, and knee-deep in COD. I immediately set to work in the kitchen getting dinner ready.

I didn’t mean to make him feel bad for not starting dinner.

I just needed something to do, something to relax me, something to put something delicious in my mouth…

But he thought I was huffing and puffing about not having dinner ready. I was just huffing because of my own stuff, though I admit that I wasn’t super happy to come home to fake gunfire. (He had the headphones on but forgot to turn the TV on mute, so sound was coming out of it as well.)

Not a great start to our night.

We made up and got dinner ready together pretty quickly though, (chicken, rice, and zucchini) and moved on. I settled into the couch with a blanket, a pot of tea, and my headphones to listen to an interview and write my freelance piece. Hubs was watching a marathon of “Hillbilly Handfishing,” a show about noodling.

And so we both settled into our night. Now, I’m already tired and ready for bed.

Which is normally fine, because this is Hubs’s (our) bedtime. But tonight he has a soccer game at 11:50.

Yes, 11:50.

As in, his game is practically at midnight.

Also as in, it won’t be over until tomorrow.

Sheesh.

Of course I want to go with him. I like to watch him play. It might be the last game. I don’t want to go to bed without him. We’re newlyweds, so all those things have a lot of pull.

However, I got up at 6 a.m. for work this morning. And I’ll be up at 6 a.m. tomorrow. So I’m just not sure how great of an idea this will be.

But, despite the long day, despite our little fight when I got home, despite the late late late soccer game, this is cheering me up a bit…

It's half the fat and calories mint chip ice cream, so I feel less guilty about the hot fudge. A little less guilty.

At this point, I’m still undecided on the soccer game. I’ll let you know.

Maybe I’ll go take a nap and decide later.

Is it Sunday? Because I’m feeling salty…

I’m not always the easiest person to be around on Sunday afternoons and evenings. I know, I know, it’s a big shocker that I get moody sometimes…(just kidding.)

Anyway, not that I want to blame it on anything, but I’m going to blame it on something.

On Sunday nights, Wyatt likes to go to bed early to get ready for the work week. That’s fine. I get that. I like going to bed early, too, because I’m usually tired from all the weekend fun and festivities. But he at least has something to do the next morning. I have another whole week of looking for a job to look forward to. Yay!

….not.

And for some reason, I tend to have emotional eating issues in reverse of what normal people have. I don’t like to eat when I’m unhappy (maybe because to me, good food=happiness). And if I don’t want to eat when I’m unhappy, I also don’t want to cook when I’m unhappy. Which can cause some issues when there’s no more leftovers and it’s dinner time.

So on Sunday, after pouting while Hubs relaxed on the couch watching football and boring movies (i.e. “Boy movies,” and not even good ones…) I tried to get my sunshine fix by sitting on our balcony and reading a magazine. But there was no sun on our shady little deck, and my body craved movement. So I laced up my shoes and grabbed a hat to take a long walk. And surprisingly, Wyatt joined me!

I didn’t even have to beg him!

Although he did complain quite a bit as we were walking.

I'm not sure how he can NOT be excited about these colors and great weather!

But while we were out there, I was happy, happy, happy. And despite his complaining, we walked all the way to Hyvee (about a 2.5 mile round trip) and had a pretty good time. (Having things within walking distance is a fun perk of living in the city!)

And then when we came back inside and he immediately turned the TV back on, I immediately got salty again. Dangit.

So I took a long, hot shower. That usually makes me feel better.

And it worked, so I was inspired enough to start dinner: mashed potatoes and my mom’s meatloaf recipe, crescent rolls, and steamed asparagus. Yum.

But when I was peeling the potatoes, I remembered how much I hate peeling potatoes, and I ended up dropping one down the garbage disposal (slippery little buggers!) and getting super frustrated all over again.

Poor Wyatt was at a loss as to what to do. He asked what was wrong, I tried to tell him, but failed on one level and refused on another, because I knew he would be his usual stubborn and sweet self and immediately try to fix the problem, which would solve one problem and create another. Because I respect that he should be able to watch what he wants, but what he wants to watch makes me angry.

So I steamed silently while prepping the meatloaf and potatoes, as the loud violence played on, and when I got the pan into the oven, I set the timer, grabbed my laptop, and headed to the bedroom to escape the movie in the living room.

And like any good newlywed husband, Wyatt soon came in after me.

(insert “aw’s” and happy sighs here)

He said it was crazy for me to be in there, and I explained that I just didn’t want to watch what he was watching, but that it was fine and fair for him to want to watch that…and he, of course, said he would switch to something else, something I would want to watch. Which, if I’m being totally honest, is what I wanted, and not what I wanted.

But we made it through the night, we made it to dinner (it was yummy) and we made it to bed at a reasonable hour and with smiles on our faces.

I guess we’re doing something right…

P.S. Hubs and I were featured on another newlywed blog this week. Check out http://www.livesimplylove.com/make-up-monday-adventure/ and leave some love for another great marriage resource!